I hurt my cat and I feel terrible afterwards. Please help.

I’ve hurt my cat, no serious injuries but I’ve thrown her and choked her before. It makes me feel horrible afterwards, but I end up doing it again later. I love my cat and I don’t want to continue with this. Is there any way that I can better my relationship with my animal?

Anonymous


Hi…. thanks for visiting and asking. You are on the way to changing because you can look at yourself objectively.

I am not a doctor or psychiatrist so am not qualified to advise but I will give you my thoughts as you have asked.

It seems that you have an anger management problem and you take it out on a vulnerable creature that happens to be convenient – close by. You release your anger, which is permanently with you by striking out at your cat.

Look at wider issues that might be irritating and annoying you and which make you angry. It may be family based. The source could be in the family. It is probably deep seated and you may not recognise the problem.

It might be parent based. Are you a young person? Are you parents around? Have your parents disappointed you? Lots of unknowns but something is eating you and as I said you want to strike out and it is safer for you if you hurt your cat.

Please stop taking out your anxiety, depression and/or anger on your cat. Please seek help from a professional and please give serious consideration to giving up your cat and finding a good home for him or her before possible real harm is committed. Or at least temporarily place your cat with someone else.

Finally, well done in coming forward. That takes courage. I hope our regular visitors will advise. They are good and sensible people.

Good luck.

Michael

Comments for
I hurt my cat and I feel terrible afterwards. Please help.

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Jan 07, 2012 please get help NEW
by: darlene

PLEASE SEEK HELP FOR THIS PROBLEM THIS IS ANIMAL ABUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T MEAN TO DO IT I TRULY BELIEVE YOU NEED TO FIND A NEW HOME FOR THE POUR CAT BEFORE SERIOUS DAMAGE IS DONE TO YOUR CAT AT LEAST YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND YOU WANT TO STOP THAT IS WHY YOU NEED TO SEEK HELP IT MAY TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO BETTER YOURSELF BUT IT WILL BE SO WORTH IT PLEASE I ASK YOU DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR CAT TO PROTECT HIM/HER FROM HARM BEING DONE THANK YOU FOR COMING FORWARD THAT IS A START


Dec 26, 2011 1st things, 1st. NEW
by: Anonymous

The first and most selfless thing you could do is to seek to find someone to take your cat, until you have dealt with your anger management problems. If this were a human being you were abusing, it would be necessary for that abused person to seek selter from an abusive relationship. Your kitty is not able to do that for themselves, so you, as the mature adult in this relationship, need to see that your kitty has a safe place to live, until you are healed. Please seek an animal shelter, if necessary, and give money to support your cat’s needs, so that the shelter is not burdened by the kitty’s expenses, until the animal can go into foster care or until you are able to retrieve her after you have sought treatment. You are doing a wise thing to seek help for yourself, while at the same time ensuring that your kitty is getting the safety that they need. When we truly love, we think of the “other” one’s needs, before our own. That what true love is all about – the other one, not us. Please give your kitty a chance to have a safe environment in which to live.


Sep 10, 2011 First steps
by: Ruth (Monty’s Mom)

You have taken the first step in admitting you have a problem. The next is to get some professional help. If things don’t click with the first therapist you try, then keep looking for the right one!

I saw a therapist years ago who helped me when the stress of full time teaching was killing me. The first thing he asked me was, “How would your life be different if you really loved yourself?” I said, “I can’t do that. It’s against my religion.” He responded with, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I think you should start with the same question. I think when you hurt your cat you are really hurting yourself. You regret it later and feel like a bad person. You hurt the cat, but you are hurting yourself the most– every time it happens you do psychological damage to yourself.

Don’t destroy your precious furry friend and yourself in the process. You are both loved by the God who gave you to each other. That little cat won’t live long compared to a human lifespan, even if you don’t kill her directly. After she is gone, the remembrance of every time you hurt her will haunt and torment you down through the decades. I know, because I thought as a kid that it was o.k. to spank the cat. I got spanked a lot (I was a stubborn little brat) and I thought that the way you made somebody good was to spank them– that you had to do it. I was always hitting my little sister, the cat and myself. Maybe you were subjected to corporal punishment also. All it does is teach that violence is a solution to problems. From one who’s been there– it’s not. What I did to my cat and my sister will haunt me forever. I can hide behind “there were no serious injuries” too, but you and I both know that doesn’t make you feel any better.

Read Michael’s articles on why punishing your cat doesn’t work. It is also immoral because all animals are completely innocent, even more so than human children. You are tormenting a true innocent, and whether you believe in God or not, I think you could agree with me that there is probably something in the universe that is not going to tolerate it, call it justice or karma or whatever, but for your own sake you have to stop.


Sep 10, 2011 Welcome
by: Zachariah Atteberry

Hello!

It is easy when you are depressed, as you say, strike at an animal. It doesn’t only take the form of hitting an animal, it can take less violent forms. I have seen people hit computers, walls, people, and even other objects out of anger. It is not the same as hitting an animal, but the feelings that elicit this response is one and the same.

I can remember, a long time ago. I had depression so bad, that I almost broke my computer and cracked a hole in the wall. I was like 14 at the time. It was because I did not like my life at that point. And it was because I had been though a tragic incident and did not know how to deal with it. The environment factors also did have a play in how I reacted. I was not succeeding in school, and I had to deal with people in school that did not like me. And my foster dad had just had a myocardial infarction, even though I didn’t like him a lot, it still bothered me a lot since I saw it happen.

One way I did found to deal with this situation is that I had to fight though the resistance. It is hard, and it does take patience and self confidence to do so. It is hard to change, but change comes when the pain is bad enough, the motivation is strong enough, the path clear enough. You can make that happen.

I urge you to consider a professional to help you. And read books or articles on how to restrain anger, and to better your friend ship with your cat. I always ask myself “what does being angry and hurting others/objects achieve?” Asking it out loud helps a lot.

One problem I had that caused my anger was low expectations – from myself – and others. They be littled me in every situation. Just remember that you are as good as you think you are, not what everyone else thinks. And as michael said, it might be family based, school based, or life problems might have caused this problem to elevate. Problems can be very easy to hide until it is actually escalated to the point to where it is more visible.

Good luck, to both you and your cat.


Sep 10, 2011 ps
by: Ruth

Meanwhile, if you feel angry, walk away from your cat, go and find a quiet place where no one is around and kick a box or beat the ground and yell.
You can’t hurt inanimate stuff and it releases your anger and tension.

Kattaddorra signature Ruth


Sep 10, 2011 PLEASE get help
by: Ruth

Please get help before you kill your cat, because if that happens you will have it on your conscience and feel terrible for the rest of your life.
Once you have killed another living creature there is no going back, no matter how sorry you are. You say you feel terrible so you do know how wrong it is to hurt your cat. Think of how terrible she must feel when you hurt her.
You may think cats are tough but they are fragile and easily bruise and if you keep hurting your cat she will become afraid of you.
That may make you angrier and it’s a vicious circle.
You came here because you know you need help, you are not a bad person but must control your anger and you CAN do it, with help.
I agree with Michael, please rehome your cat at least temporarily until you know you can trust yourself not to hurt her again.
Ask your doctor for help, no one will judge you, in fact they will admire you for facing up to your problem.
Let us know how you get on and that you have NOT hurt your cat any more.

Kattaddorra signature Ruth


Sep 10, 2011 Get help
by: Elisa Black-Taylor

You need to ask yourself whether you’re angry at something your cat does like biting or scratching you or if you’re mad at someone else and the cat is the closest one to take it out on.

I knew a boy who started abusing animals when he was 9. By the time he was 16 he had already gone to jail 3 times. Once was for assault and battery with intent to kill when he attacked a classmate in 10th grade.

Please tell someone you trust what’s going on with you. You may just need someone to talk to or you may have a chemical imbalance and need medication. I’m on a medicine called Celexa for a chemical imbalance and without it I want to destroy the world.

Write back soon and let us know how you are. And find a good home for the cat. If you accidentally kill it you’ll feel guilty for the rest of your life and that would be hard to live with.



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