I would like your opinion on my Warrior Cats story

I would like your opinion on my Warrior Cats story

by McKenna
(MI)

A young warrior cats fan and visitor to this website wants our opinion on her Warrior Cats story.

He or she has written several lines, which are below together with the title to this post (not the story's title).

I have already given my input just below the story.

Michael Avatar


Title to the post: my warrior story so far i want your opiyon i making up my own series

"Rusty wait up" A black and white cat said as he ran after his friend. "come on smuge you know its a race." a fire red cat said as he came to a stop. "no i dident, Rusty you know i have a bad leg!"smuge said as he stomped his paw in the dust. "oh thats right sorry Smudge." ty sad as he looked at the woods near his home. "your not thinking of going in there are you?"smuge asked worried. "mabey just for a peek" rusty anserd as he got closer to the woods. "rusty ooohhh noo please!" smuge yelled out.

that was part one i want to know peoples opinion.

McKenna


Hi McKenna.. thanks for visiting. You are brave to ask for our opinion and well done for trying.

I think you could or should have written a good bit more, perhaps about 30-40 lines of text.

Secondly, I think you need to work on your syntax (the patterns of formation of sentences and phrases from words) and grammar and spelling. For instance capitals. The whole of your piece of text is in lower case. This is grammatically incorrect. Names should be started with a capital letter as one example as should the start of sentences.

Your title for the post has spelling mistakes, is grammatically wrong (no full stops) and is all in lower case (no capitals).

I am sorry if that sounds harsh but you asked and good English is important if you are to be taken seriously.

As to the story, I would like, as I said, to see more before making a judgment. This is not a story but a snippet from a story.

If you could expand it, correct the English and the come back (if you dare) I would love to read your story because from the bit that I have seen it could be good.

Take care.

This is my attempt at a Warrior Cats Story: Warrior Cat - I am not claiming that this is any good, by the way!

Michael Avatar

From I would like your opinion on my Warrior Cats Story to Warrior cats

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I would like your opinion on my Warrior Cats story

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Mar 02, 2012
Rating
starstar
cats
by: anika

you need to add more but did you know that I'm making one called midnight sparks prophecy?


Oct 05, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar
not bad
by: Anonymous

not bad but i would like to see the rest.hopefully it gets more exciting. plus, check your spelling


Mar 08, 2011
Rating
star
You could have done better
by: Anonymous

Sorry about my comment but your Spelling is terrible and you could have done much much better.And your story does not relate to the Warriors


Jan 13, 2011
Rating
star
Never Write a Story AGAIN!
by: Anonymous

Think about writting something that isn't that stupid, because you'll never be an author.


Jan 13, 2011
Rating
star
Not Awesome
by: Anonymous

I personally think this isn't AWESOME. If that's your part one, WOW. Plus, his name isn't Rusty anymore, it's Firestar. And not to be offencive, but your grammar and spelling makes you sound like a 5 year old. I spent numerous ammounts of time writting and I wish I could be an author, but sadly I have to say I don't think you will ever be one. But, I think it was nice that you tried to write. Not a lot of people do, neither do they like reading. If this is all you read, you should read more of the series. I personally think that the first book is no where near the best in the series, and that all written stories should be near the future, or the complete past, so keep writting, even though I didn't enjoy this.


Dec 11, 2010
Rating
starstarstar
It was okay
by: Lilyflower

I think you need to fix your spelling and try to come up with your ideas. Make your own names. It also seems like your copying from the Into the wild book. I also think you should have wrote a little more. I wish I could have given more than 3 stars.


Nov 30, 2010
Rating
star
Ummmm
by: Anonymous

Ok i dont want to rain on your parade but this story seems like a copy of one the first chapters of Into the Wild.Second you really need to fix spelling and grammar and use descriptive words.Next dont use the cats names all the time try using something diferent,other than that i think the story is good

Good Luck and best wishes


Jul 10, 2010
Rating
starstar
Horrible.
by: Anonymous

This story could definitely use a LOT of polishing. First, there's so many grammatical mistakes in this, that I couldn't even begin listing them! Second, you need to be descriptive, and not use their names all the time. Finally, even in the first glance I knew that it'll be horrible, and it was even worst than I'd expected. I just hope that the next story can at least improve a little, well, better than this horrible piece of writing.


May 09, 2010
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Good job
by: Secret

Good job. If you want go to dragonarereal.weebly.com then go to the blog page and read my story so far


Apr 01, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar
Don't be upset
by: Michae

Hi McKenna. Please don't be upset by what I have said. You asked for opinions and you got an answer and the answer is trying to help.

Take from these things what you can, improve and move on. That is the way to progress. But to reject polite attempts to help, when requested, because you feel criticised is not wise.

Michael Avatar


Mar 31, 2010
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Keep Writing
by: Joyce Sammons

I've been writing stories since I was 10. I was even submitting them to magazines at that age. And crying with every rejection letter.I've recently been publishing my stories online. You have a long way to go but that's not a bad thing. My writing is still improving. The more I write the better I get.

I would suggest something for you to check out. You don't say how old you are and that doesn't matter. I can tell you love to write. Set yourself up a site at shutterfly.com. Its free and you can add pictures and text. Take a look at mine at www.furbytheferalfeline.shutterfly.com. on the Inspirational page. There is a journal feature. Also go online and download a free trial of The Journal 5. It has a locked password feature so you can also use it as a diary. It's free for 45 days. I write my stories on the Journal 5 and then transfer to whatever site I want it published on.
You can publish your work and later go back in and redo it. Plus the shutterfly lets you add the email addresses of all your friends so they can read it.

Good luck!



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