I would like your opinion on my Warrior Cats story
A young warrior cats fan and visitor to this website wants our opinion on her Warrior Cats story.
He or she has written several lines, which are below together with the title to this post (not the story's title).
I have already given my input just below the story.
Title to the post: my warrior story so far i want your opiyon i making up my own series
"Rusty wait up" A black and white cat said as he ran after his friend. "come on smuge you know its a race." a fire red cat said as he came to a stop. "no i dident, Rusty you know i have a bad leg!"smuge said as he stomped his paw in the dust. "oh thats right sorry Smudge." ty sad as he looked at the woods near his home. "your not thinking of going in there are you?"smuge asked worried. "mabey just for a peek" rusty anserd as he got closer to the woods. "rusty ooohhh noo please!" smuge yelled out.
that was part one i want to know peoples opinion.
Hi McKenna.. thanks for visiting. You are brave to ask for our opinion and well done for trying.
I think you could or should have written a good bit more, perhaps about 30-40 lines of text.
Secondly, I think you need to work on your syntax (the patterns of formation of sentences and phrases from words) and grammar and spelling. For instance capitals. The whole of your piece of text is in lower case. This is grammatically incorrect. Names should be started with a capital letter as one example as should the start of sentences.
Your title for the post has spelling mistakes, is grammatically wrong (no full stops) and is all in lower case (no capitals).
I am sorry if that sounds harsh but you asked and good English is important if you are to be taken seriously.
As to the story, I would like, as I said, to see more before making a judgment. This is not a story but a snippet from a story.
If you could expand it, correct the English and the come back (if you dare) I would love to read your story because from the bit that I have seen it could be good.
This is my attempt at a Warrior Cats Story: Warrior Cat - I am not claiming that this is any good, by the way!