From Darlene and Milo: I have met a man with a dog
Introduction from Michael: Darlene is a regular contributor but has been quiet for a while. She lives with her cat Milo who she adores. If you click on the following link a Google search lists her posts in a new window or tab to give you some background information. Darlene has a very pure, simple and charming relationship with her cat companion.
From Darlene….Hello everyone, its been a long time since I wrote about Milo. Life has been very busy for me for a long time now and still Milo and I are doing wonderfully.
Milo is doing great. She loves all the attention she can get. She does love to sleep a lot these days because she is older now but I love her with all my heart.
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You see, I will do anything under this earth for her and she still loves her snuggle time with me a lot. I truly love those moments. I really wish those moments spent with Milo would be frozen in tight because I don’t want a moment to pass by because one minute that passes its a memory spent together that I wished would be the present.
You see, Milo is truly the sweetest cat I ever had been blessed with and I really do thank God for Milo every night and every morning too. I pray for another sun rise to come for Milo and I together to wake to. She is truly my everything to me. My big baby Milo, I always say.
I am also doing wonderful too. I met a wonderful man named Frank who I met on Facebook. He lives in Georgia and is a cop. He is planning on coming from Georgia to Fond du Lac to be with me.
He had lost his wife three years ago and has a daughter named Sussane. She is 12 years old and she can’t wait to meet me and become her new mama to her. After Frank and Sussane come and live with me Frank and I are looking to buy a house together. When he comes to me and then we gonna look for a business that we will be running too which we are gonna check into running a pet store which is so exciting to me and Frank too. I am so happy with him.
I have a question: advice please
I do have a question though. Frank has a dog which he will be bringing when he comes but my question is since Milo has been abused by dogs in the past and she honestly is feared of dogs what should I do since a dog will be present in the near future with Milo and as spoiled as Milo is she wants to be the only one pet in the house and she will get jealous.
Also what should I do to make her feel more relaxed and stress free about sharing the place with a dog. Any ideas or advice would be very helpful. I hope all of you are doing well too. Take care and God bless
I agree, I have had situitons with meeting people off Net. It doesn’t always work out as planned.You might see them as normal, its not until you meet each other. It would be good if could first meet up first. Also i think got to think of your cat. Especially how the cat will cope with dog etc. I wish you best of luck. Its not easy to find someone that you can connect with. That will accept you. I find relationships very confusing and just too much. I think I’ll just give up on it all. Its much easier being alone. Thats just my view.
Darlene, you better walk carefully. There a lot of users in this world looking for a soft touch. There is probably a reason women in his home town won’t date him. Investigate!! If a man must find companionship on the internet something is wrong. People in the hometown and surrounding areas know him. Best be wary. If he wants to take out a million dollars in insurance on you run for the hills. If he doesn’t have money for an apartment it would be the first red flag.
Is it his real daughter? oran accomplice looking to milk you? Best go to the pound and buy a friend for Milo (the cat). If it doesn’t work out you can always return the cat. Trying to reclain dollars some fellow has bilked you out of is not that easy. You can keep him more honest if you make him pay up first. Women are great at this scheme. Know from first hand experience.
They always come with some kind of a story of how life has cheated them. Men are as bad as the women. They are trying to get the money out of the leavings of your hard working deceased spouce. Old saying..” the money feels better in my pocket than in yours”. Sit tight and see what he comes up with. If he wanted to support you, I would say he may be a good man. If he wants you to support him , you best kick him outy.
Wishing you well Darlene and I hope you take the advice of all who care about you and Milo to go very slowly.
Darlene I don’t actually know you but you seem like a lovely loving gentle person however from the point of view of someone who doesn’t know you I have noticed from your post that you are very excited and everything appears to be happening very quickly for you.
I’m pleased you are happy and I can understand totally that you are looking for love and fulfilment however please don’t let your heart rule your head; you don’t really know this man so please don’t let him move straight in with you, you are very vulnerable even though you don’t realise it.
The photo of you and your beautiful cat Milo is very touching you can see that she loves you so much she places all her trust in you , loves you unconditionally please Darlene please don’t betray that trust you can tell she is happy beyond her wildest dreams her world is complete with just you you’re all she needs and truly I write from the heart. Please don’t betray her in the worst possible way by bringing a dog into the house 🙁 I read your words but I don’t think that you realise the enormity of what you are about to do please think carefully………..
Even if this goes wrong please come on here and talk to us we are your friends and want whats best for you and we can offer our support.
Take care and be happy but remember you don’t actually need a man in your life for fulfilment.
thank you all for all your comments about this all your thoughts and advice does matter i will seriously keep them all in mind and use the advice as needed in this milo is my world to me milo is my shinning star that lights up my world with her eyes this is very tough on me a lot been praying so much for what i am gonna do there is no way i am giving up my baby frank does know that milo is my big baby my child i told him that and i talked to him about when milo was abused by dogs and he had said we gonna see what we gonna do about that so i am waiting on that right now i had read all of your comments and i thank you for all your concerns you have of me and milo i will update you as it comes to me thank you all
Thanks a lot for commenting Darlene. We all wish you and Milo the best and the same goes for Frank. We wish him the best too.
Perhaps Frank could find the time to comment as well.
thank you michael i will see if he will comment on this too but he is using a cell phone right now for contacting me and a lot of times his phone acts up a lot i will see if he can get on this site or not thank you for all your wishes for the best for me and milo and frank too you are so kind thank u
Good luck Darlene, I hope it works out well for you all, please do let us know x
oh yes i will update as information i find comes in thank you for wishing us good luck too
Darlene…say SOMETHING! Where are you?
Please remember we care about you. It’s just very hard to realize that even when you love someone with all your heart doesn’t mean you’ll make a good relationship and can spend the rest of your life with them.
I was with an abuser I’d known for years and in the beginning he was the perfect gentleman. I read somewhere that its difficult for a mate for lack of a better word to be able to fool you for more than 3 months. After 3 months the real personality starts to emerge
I’ll email her and see if she can leave a comment.
Lots of good advice from everyone to proceed with caution. It’s too easy to fall in love with someone on the internet but a lot of the internet is fiction and in real life you need to get to know someone in the flesh so to speak.
It’s all happening too fast for my liking,Frank talking of moving in to your and Milo’s home and bringing his daughter and dog,talking of starting a business too,please be very very wary.
It would be very unfair on your cat who is the only one in your life now,who depends on you to keep him safe to suddenly have a dog intruding into his territory,let alone a strange man and a girl.
Yes we all sound very pessimistic but no one wants to hear in the future that you have gone ahead and Milo is living in misery in his own home because of the dog and you and Frank are rowing over your pets.
Good luck anyway whatever you do but please put Milo first.
Yes, I feel the same way but I hope it works out because it is very important for Darlene. I just sense, for some reason, that it is not quite right.
I sense that too Michael. I do hope we are all being over protective of Darlene and that it works out well but I feel very concerned about both her and Milo.
I hope Darlene realizes how blest she is to have so many people, living in so many different parts of the world, caring about her enough to speak the truth in love.
It can be hard to hear the truth. But no one is saying it can’t work out or is impossible, only that she should not let herself be taken advantage of. Milo’s safety is also of central importance. If something happened to Milo, Darlene would never forgive herself. I hope our words will help her to proceed with caution.
Darlene it must be hard to listen to all this when you are in love and the outlook is just so wonderful and positive and you certainly shouldn’t do anything to jeopardise that. There is a lot to be said for living a part for a while. IT can make the relationship work out in the long run where it might have failed through being to much together too soon. It’s very hard here as we are primarily worried about you and Milo so we must sound pretty doom and gloom and quite un-magical and I’m sorry about that. If you were one of us I guess you can imagine the kind of advice you would give you in this context and that’s the objective advice you need to hold onto through this very subjective experience.
In the end you must firstly respect Milo and yourself and of course you must love Milo and yourself – then comes the rest. I am usually at fault for not respecting myself in the name of love. Sounds weird but I let love take over and don’t look after myself properly. Having a cat who is basically you child and a young one at that, who can’t necessarily understand the need for such changes, means upholding and maintaining everything is going to be a juggle. You must decide though before you juggle, that if you will drop a ball, that it not be Milo. That is my opinion but then I am of the principle that your cat who came first and who needs you to survive and be happy, must come first. I think it warrants an explanation if you haven’t already – I’m sure Frank knows you are crazy about Milo but knowing is not necessarily the same as understanding. So just make sure he understands that Milo has to be fine for you to be fine. He must be a great guy for you to like him. What is wonderful about you is, in part, your connection and relationship with Milo, it is a huge part of who you are and that is a fine balance, just like an ecosystem. You can’t take one thing out of the chain of an ecosystem without the rest falling apart and this is how you will have to manage your new ecosystem with Frank and his daughter.
So you have to make it your top priority to make sure Frank’s dog and Milo don’t become the break in that chain or loop. Actually you have to find a way to join them. In my last comment I talked about a lot of little details and things about your house and dogs and cats and what Milo may need like cat trees and a safe place. In the end you wouldn’t have even asked if you weren’t worried about it, so I would say don’t worry, be optimistic, show you like and care for the dog so Milo understands but only a little, obviously you have to stick with Milo. If Milo is spending the whole day somewhere in another room when she would usually be with you all day then that means her life has completely changed, her world is upside down. In this case I advise you to go to the room where Milo is and site with her for an hour alone with nobody else, with the door closed so she feels she can behave as she normally would around you. Whenever she hears the dog she will probably stop cuddling for a second or get scared, you have to somehow make sure that you can keep the same quality of ‘you and her’ time even if it means closing doors and setting it up to work.
You must have thought of many or everything we have said here. There are other details like the kind and size and nature of his dog – many details, the layout of your house – these details will become your full time job to work with pretty soon so hopefully you will come back and let us know how it’s going and ask for advice if you want. Maybe if you can tell us a bit about these details we can even give you more specific advice. If you have a 2 floor house for example and not one floor, this is a major and useful factor to work with.
We’d love to hear from you again Darlene and I think we sure are happy you are happy and in love but we are all a bit worried that it goes smoothly and nicely for little Milo who’s world is going to change so drastically. I am thinking about letting a lady into my life at the moment but I was clear about one thing to her – already – and that is my cats are my cats and if she wants to live with me she will have to fully accept that I come with 3 cats and I spend a lot of time with them and I will continue to do so even if I do compromise a bit the end result will still be that my cats’ needs are met and that is my need in itself. If she wants to talk to me for half an hour at bed time then I may make some changes and hang out with my cats before bed time but for example, I am not going to have a long dinner and then watch a movie and then go to bed and have a chat, with her, all the while not giving any attention to my cats. If she doesn’t like that then it is a problem for me. Being with me means being with my cats. She knows that I don’t feel well if I can’t spend time with my cats anyway. She knows it’s part of my balance and well being. I know she is not the same as me in that way but I think she totally accepts it. She would not want to spend time with me if it’s somehow causing me to be not happy. I say all this because it came up, it was a problem. She had trouble with me giving so much attention to my cats and in the end if I don’t agree to live with her it will be because me and may cats. I have my cats indoors which add a lot of pressure to this. If we were in the countryside they would be busy in the grass and bushes and not even have time for me but since we are inside then I am pretty much their world and I will make it a nice world before I worry about anything else in my life. Until I move to the nature then this is my job. In my ideal world the lady I am talking about would be happy to live nearby until we could both move to the countryside together but she wants more sooner and I am scared (we have been together before) that I will lose control of the little world I share with my cats.
It’s probably and age old question and it’s a hard one, but people get together and they manage and do their cat’s and dogs manage? and according to who’s standards? My standards for my cats are such that I am very involved with them due to their being indoors all the time. I accept that and I even need it now anyway. I hope Frank will be able to accept the little sacred space you share with Milo and that he will nurture it moreover and love you more for it. This is what true love is all about. That he will learn from it and even want to be a part of it (and I don’t mean jealous of Milo 😉 ) – I know dogs can be jealous too so his dog will have to deal with the change too. Actually Frank has to worry about moving, his daughter and his dog – so if you live together immediately it’s going to be involved work for everyone and problems will present themselves and you will work them out. Let’s hope Milo doesn’t lose anything in this new arrangement but that she gains 🙂
I think we’ve all got our fingers crossed for you and we’d love to hear form you and Milo again.
argh – that was a huge comment – yikes!
It was. I have read the first 15-20 lines and concluded it is rich in care and concern. That is special on the internet which is not like that usually.
I don’t know what to say about this comment. It shouts “concern” and it is positive but realistic. I hope Darlene reads it carefully and understands it. A wonderful comment that helps. Darlene needs help and thank you so much for being helpful and concerned about a person who needs advice and who loves her cat very much indeed. I sense that nothing should interfere with Darlene’s relationship with Milo. It should not be jeopardized. So, the way to proceed is cautiously.
Darlene, I met a man online in 2008 and we dated a few times after spending hours talking on the phone. We had our first date at a restaurant and the waitress thought we were old friends catching up. We had a second date and had a wonderful time. It seemed we were perfect for each other.
But it just didn’t work and wasn’t meant to be and we parted as friends. Just because you’re desperately in love with someone online and on the phone doesn’t mean it will work when it actually happens.
It would be nice if he could rent a place close by so you could both have your own space and then take it from there. You do realize that once he moves in if you want him to leave you may have to legally evict him and that would be a real pain in the butt.
Just be careful dear. Think with your head and put your cat first.
Darlene – make it so Milo can go where she wants but the dog is limited to one area. Also you must must must get milo some tall cat trees if she hasn’t any yet. She needs to be able to go up safely away from the dog. She needs to be able to move around safely. It’s important she never be cornered and unable to leave the room for example without passing the dog. If she really was abused by dogs it may be very hard for her to come to terms with a dog. But lets not forget it all depends on the dog too. Is it big, small, male, female, what kind of dog, what character and how old. It could very well be ok too after a couple months but if I were you I would be extremely careful to protect Milo in every way possible. Also watch closely how Frank interacts with Milo. If Frank genuinely likes Milo and can love Milo then his dog will respect Milo too sensing immediately that Milo has value to his owner.
There are many many details and factors such as the layout of your house. DON’T let the dog sleep on the bed if Milo does and even be gentle introducing Frank to your home as well – let alone the dog. IF you and Frank are truly meant to be then he will be very able to love Milo in less than a day and this will help enormously. A 12 year old is hard too. Children and cats can be very frustrating for both.
The thing is even if you were inviting one of the 3 in your home it would be hard for Milo. But a man, a child and a dog and a huge ask for Milo. Milo is going to get less than 50% of your attention even if you try to keep it up because practically thats how it goes. It is going to be very hard for Milo but you must must must make Milo a safe place. I mean a place where she can always always go and know she will be away from man, dog and child. If you have 2 floors in your house then perhaps give her the upstairs and then give her a spot in your room or a room where even the child will leave her alone in the beginning. Maybe she will end up being fine but in the beginning it wont be so you will have to make rules. It’s important it works well for all of you. Make sure Milo has a cat tree where you hang out in the living room or kitchen so she can also join you and perch safely up high. I guarantee you she won’t go near for a long time. I am talking months if it’s not going well. You must must be patient. Thats not hard but what may be hard is for the child to be patient and not pick up Milo until Milo is ready to be picked up, or Frank will have to test his patience when it comes to abiding by the rules put in place to protect Milo.
The thing here is I am not worried that you will miss something – you clearly are totally connected to Milo and will know exactly if she is feeling bad or unsafe and you will feel compelled to fix it immediately. Obviously you have to explain to Frank all of this before he heads down. That Milo is like your child (he has a dog and a child he will know) and that you will do everything to ensure Milo’s comfort and well being is compromised to the minimum possible.
Having read your articles before and being someone who can relate very closely to your relationship that you share with Milo I can honestly say I care about both of you and I’m concerned about it working out. If you one day get in a fight with Frank pay close attention to how he is with Milo – always watch like a hawk. It’s not the time to look at negative possibilities because you are in love but I’m sure you recognize that no matter what people say and do they are capable of surprising you from one moment to the next. That’s how it goes and you have Milo to factor into that equation. I’m sure Frank is great. What kind of dog does he have? What is his character – does he talk easily about his feelings? Have you ever got in a fight? Now if you didn’t have a cat you could afford not to ask or think about such annoyingly negative things when at the start of a relationship since you are only putting yourself at risk bu tin this case you gotta ask questions for Milo. Obvious questions. You will see how Frank interacts with Milo and get a feeling right away. It will be fine as long as you keep your eyes open and don’t find yourself in a compromised situation where you ‘hope’ it’s ok or you think it’s ‘probably’ going to be fine. When you love a person it’s easy to be biased in how you think about them on a practical level.
In short, if he can’t stand a cat being on the kitchen counter then you have to take a deep breath and think closely about whats going to happen next and proceed with caution. I know it sucks to think like this before it’s even started but as an outsider it’s easy to see things objectively. If in doubt, imagine your situation is happening to a friend of yours and you will know what advice to give yourself.
This is a very well thought out comment Marc. All of the comments are heart felt and have the utmost concern for you Darlene, and of course Milo. I am not sure what I can add except to be sure to involve those that are close to you now, friends and family. I agree that living separately in the begining is the best way to go forward. You never really know about someone until you have your first disagreement. Why not let the romance last longer and get to know each other better living separately? I hope you stay in touch and know that all the folks here have one important common denominator; cats and cat warfare. I know that dogs and cats can live in peace together, but sometimes it takes a long time with lots of attention and hard work. It can be frustrating. Ultimately rewarding, but putting that together with a new relationship, a pre-teen little girl who lost her mother too young and the animals, it sounds like way too much to take on.
Best wishes for all concerned.
Brilliant comment. Complete and concerned. Love it. It is more positive than mine and tries to find solutions to the circumstances, which I like. I am more skeptical perhaps and have doubts but I don’t have the full story. Thanks Marc. I hope Darlene reads your comment slowly. Frank could be a great guy and very positive and beneficial to Darlene. If that is the case it is about ensuring Milo is OK as you state.
Darlene, I would suggest Cesar Milan as a good source for learning about dogs, since you may someday be living with one and Milo too. Cesar teaches that to live with a dog you have to be “calm and assertive.” Don’t pet the dog when he is excited, this just adds more excitement. Wait until the dog calms down, behaves the way you want him to, then give attention and praise. When you first meet the dog, “no touch, no talk, no eye contact” until the dog is in a calm state. This is important. Adding too much excitement and the dog could end up chasing Milo. If the dog is calm and balanced you have a better chance introducing them.
Frank may beg you to let them stay with you. Just say no. People move across country all the time and they arrange for an apartment and all they need. Many people move to areas where they know not a living soul, but to find housing, employment and everything! Once he is in your house how do you get him to leave if it’s not working out? What if he or his dog hurts Milo? You have a responsibility to Milo which you would not be keeping if you let them into your house. If Frank can’t manage to get his own lodging up here, then he is not good enough for you. Make him prove that he can be a good provider. Make him prove he can take care of himself, his daughter and his dog before you allow him to even talk about becoming husband to you– a role in which he is expected to take care of you. Please don’t let him make you start taking care of him when he isn’t even your husband. You owe him nothing at this point. Take care of Milo. Take care of you. If Frank really loves you he will get his own place and you can get to know each other just fine living at separate addresses.
The Bible tells us to be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Just don’t forge that first part. It’s important.
Darlene, I care about you very much. You are from Wisconsin, like I am, and you love God, as I do.
And because I know you love God I can tell you that what you are thinking of doing, the way you are going about it, is against what God wants for you. People will tell you that it is a good idea to try out living together before you get married. But they do not know what marriage really is. We do. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His church. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. A husband is supposed to love his wife so much that he would die for her. He is supposed to love her more than he loves his own body.
Christ did not say to His bride, the church, “Let’s shack up for awhile so we can try this out and see if you are worthy of Me.” That is not loving behavior and whenever two people shack up the woman gets the short end of the deal. She does all the things a wife does for the man without the benefits and privileges of being his wife. You (and Milo) deserve better than that.
Statistically, marriages that start out with a trial period of living together first are much more likely to fail. Years ago a friend told me a little poem he learned as a little boy, about what “dating” was like when he was young:
“I went to see my Sunday girl,
For pleasure I was seeking.
I missed her lips and kissed her nose–
The gosh darn thing was leaking!”
You see, in those days (early 1900’s) you saw your girlfriend only under close supervision. You would be sitting out on the porch together on a Sunday afternoon, but the adults were right inside. So if you wanted a kiss you had to do it very fast to not get caught and scolded by your parents. That’s why he kisses her nose by mistake.
But when was the divorce rate higher? Back in those days when you got to know your boyfriend/girlfriend under close supervision and didn’t live as husband and wife until you actually were husband and wife? Or today when almost everybody “tries out” marriage first? We know the answer to that.
Tell Frank, “Not without the promise.” By promise I mean a ring on your finger and he’s made vows to you at the altar. You are worth that. Be Frank’s bride in a way that reflects that you are also a part of the bride of Christ, His precious church. If you break the 6th Commandment (however your church numbers them– the one against adultery) by living as husband and wife without the promise, you will not see God’s blessings on this marriage. God isn’t right about everything else and wrong about this. He cares about you and so do I.
Make Frank and his daughter and his dog get their own place up here. Wisconsin’s economy is doing pretty good compared to some parts of the country. This could be a good move for them. Get to know each other, but not living together. He could be using you. He could want you to put up the money for his business. If he really loves you he will get his own place. If he really loves you he will not ask for money, sex or a place to live from you until he is your husband, in which case all you have is his and all he has is yours. That’s a wonderful thing. But without the promise it’s a curse.
I like that. It goes one step further to what I recommended and that makes it one step better. It would test the relationship and give Darlene and Frank a chance to get better acquainted and above all to check out the Milo/Frank’s dog relationship.
I have a real problem with this situation on a lot of fronts. Practicalities and realities say: be hopeful and enjoy what is happening, but go slow and check. Milo is a key player. She must be protected.
Ruth, thanks for such a sensitive, sensible, thorough and realistic appraisal.
About three years ago, my sister rescued a dog from an abusive situation. Unfortunately, her middle-aged cats could not stand him. Fortunately, she had a two-story home and put a child gate on the lower landing. The cats were fed and had their boxes upstairs. They were free to come and go, as the dog could not get through the gate, but they could. It took a couple of years, but the cats and the dog have decided they can live together–in fact, the cats appropriated the downstairs and the dog prefers the upstairs!
Thanks for that neat solution. I hope Darlene reads all these comments.
Hi Darlene, I agree with Michael, PLEASE don’t rush into this, it’s a HUGE step having a man, his daughter and a dog moving into your home. What sort of dog is it? Some dogs can be very mean around cats but even if the dog is the gentlest breed you are taking a HUGE risk with Milo’s welfare, possibly even his life. He will see any dog as an intruder and will be very stressed as he will already have to cope with you sharing your love with Frank and his daughter and their dog.
You can’t bring a strange animal into another animal’s home without upsetting the resident one.
As Michael says, have them stay for a trial run first but keep the animals separate at first, allow Milo to sniff around where the dog has been when the dog is shut out. NEVER leave them alone together until you are absolutely certain the dog will not hurt Milo.
I too care about you and wish you happiness but please do be wary, people are not always what they seem to be and face book is notorious for people pretending to be someone they are not, have you actually met Frank, are you sure he is cop and a widower? PLEASE take it slowly and don’t commit yourself because you could be badly emotionally hurt and Milo could be emotionally and possibly physically hurt.
You may think we are pouring cold water on your plans but having had lots of experience of life we do know that many things are not always what they seem.
I TRULY hope it turns out well and Frank is a genuine and lovely man if you go ahead with your plans but I do beg of you not to rush into this.
If he truly loves you he will understand.
Well said, Ruth. This is an important time for Darlene and Milo and I am concerned. I consider them both to be part of the PoC community and feel protective of them. Internet meetings are very fraught with potential problems.
You don’t have to have Frank, the dog and Frank’s daughter living at your place to conduct a trial run. They can come for visits and then leave back to their own apartment. This way Milo can get used to them gradually. And if you can tell right away it’s not going to work out, you can gently ask them to leave and they will have a place to go. If they come up and immediately live with you, how can you have them leave if they have nowhere else to go? I am very worried for you right now.
Hi Darlene. It is great to hear from you again. I am pleased you and Milo are well.
About Frank and his dog. First I am very pleased you have found a man. He lives a long way a way from you. You met him on Facebook.
Have you met him face to face? I care for both you and Milo. You have sadly lost two cats that upset you a lot so you have to be extra careful with Milo.
What you say about Milo being frightened of dogs means that she should not be forced to be near a dog.
I know that is a real big problem but I feel it is correct advice. If Milo becomes upset because of Frank’s dog, you will become upset and that will put a strain on your relationship with Frank.
I am not saying it won’t work out. I am saying you should do things cautiously.
I would advise that Frank and his dog come to stay for a week to see how things work out between you and Frank and his dog and Milo. Everything should be done very carefully and controlled to protect Milo.
If it looks like it won’t work out you’ll have to decide between Frank and Milo and that is a huge decision.
I am sorry to write things in such a stark way but that is the way I see it.
You have such a tender and important relationship with Milo that you don’t want to risk damaging it.
Also the plans for a home and business together are great and exciting but go slowly. Test things first. See if you can get along living together. Working together in a new business puts pressure on people. Unless you have a solid relationship it may not work out.
I am saying these things because I care for you and Milo.