From Elisa Black-Taylor
You may laugh at the title, but don’t think it can’t happen to you. This article is going to be fun, with a bit of research thrown in for good measure.
First of all, let me say my daughter’s daddy once said to me “It’s either me or the cats”. He’s not the first husband to make that remark. I’ve heard from several cat ladies who have given up their relationships in favor of cats. One man, whom I met while purchasing cat food, asked me “just how long will that new cat I got my wife, live?” You should have seen the look on his face when I told him 20-25 years if well cared for.
I was tempted to tell him the cat would likely outlast his marriage, seeing that more than half of marriages fail.
Cats are better than spouses for several reasons (this may be true for men out there who prefer cats to women). First of all, they don’t complain. Well, maybe sometimes, but they use a kinder method of making their needs known. Cats also don’t fuss when you wake them in the middle of the night to tell them you love them. They’re most likely up playing in the middle of the night, anyway.
Have you loved a cat more than a person?
When you feed a cat, it doesn’t tell you its not hungry, wants something different or the food wasn’t correctly prepared. It may turn up its nose and walk away from the food bowl, but a cat won’t verbally abuse you over a meal. And yes, I’ve sent a few spoons flying towards men who didn’t appreciate my cooking. Never had to throw a spoon at a cat.
I’ve been thinking about this topic for awhile now, and decided to write on it when I stumbled across a study conducted by Dennis C. Turner, PD, ScD. Dennis will be among the presenters at the International Association of Human-Animal Interaction Organizations’ conference to be held in Chicago in conjunction with the AVMA from July 19-23.
As it turns out, Dennis has done a lot of research into cat behavior. During his research, Dennis learned that cats are more effective than dogs in easing symptoms in depressed individuals, especially women. He believes cats accept the amount of love a person is willing to give. Cats are more careful in approaching a depressed person and more likely to stick around longer that a dog would. Dogs are about “me” time, while cats are more willing to offer comfort.
We all knew that already, didn’t we? Dennis has also co-authored a book with Paul Bateson that you all may be interested in. It’s called The Domestic Cat:the Biology of its Behavior (3rd edition). There’s a lot of new information in this new edition and its available on Amazon. If you Google “amazon The Domestic Cat:the Biology of its Behavior” you see the book listed.
I feel much better about the decision to share my life with cats instead of a partner after reading this is becoming the norm. Here I was thinking I was a crazy cat lady recluse. It’s nice to know there are quite a few like me who have chosen to share their life with cats instead of a significant other.
Hmmm…I wonder if any studies have been done on successful businesswomen who share their life with a cat? So much less “brain clutter” at work when your cat is the love of your life. Not true when you’re in a relationship.
I am curious about one thing. Do any of you have a significant other who’s ever given you an ultimatum between them or your pet? I went through the same experience with my dog Dreyfuss, where I was given an ultimatum. Back in 2006, I decided to keep the dog and lose the man.
I don’t think cats will ever replace husbands but purr-sonally I’m much happier since I stopped worrying about being single like I did when I was younger.
Being an animal lover and activist is a hard road to follow and I know quite a few people who have ‘burned out’ through caring so much about animals because it seems however much we do to fight abuse and save them, it’s never enough.
Every day horror stories come up about animals hurt or killed by cruel people in various ways and it seems hopeless that anything will ever change because there are not enough people to care enough.
Cats can actually help a person with depression, ours did so for me more than any human could have.
Maybe the young ladies committing suicide just couldn’t face living in this world any longer, maybe their love affairs went wrong because of their care about animals, true animal lovers put their animals and activism first, maybe their men friends thought the animals had more attention than they did.
People who don’t care about animals don’t understand those who do.
Its bizarre , strange and true which psychologists in Mumbai would find difficult to reason. Three of India’s most famous women model/Actors who were also avid cat owners committed suicide over the last few years, all of them in the prime of their youth .The reasons being failed “Love affairs” as claimed by the media.Why weren’t these suicidal young ladies didn’t find solace in their pets or animal welfare activities. The latest to commit suicide in Mumbai was 25 year old actress Jiah (Nafisa). Khan who is an Indian of British origin having been bred in New York and London. She was the owner of some stray cats and a avid animal activist. I personally feel that besides owning or caring for pets every human requires a strong human bonding with another human or a group of fellow humans to ward off depression.I must have opened a Pandora’s box of debate.
Elisa, only boyfriends; not husband (well, would you marry him otherwise?)
And shame on you! for telling him in the checkout lane that the cat would live more than four…keep him sweet-talking and playing with the little feline, while vacillating btwn his affection for his wife and her little baby, thinking that she will only live to be four yrs. He just might end up seeing all of those endearing feline qualities and nuances that only a cat has! (and THEN the cat can live to be ninety-one.)
But, you truly must keep making those remarks when purchasing cat ‘fud’ (remember the dryer door with the sign that the family dog made?–Gary Larsen?) 😉
My cats are more like the kids I didn’t have. There are some cat-loving men around who are pretty good guys but sometimes we expect too much from the poor dears. Cats let you know what you see is what you get but what you get is so wonderful you should darn well be grateful.
OMC! I love that!
You summed this up exactly. A relationship is a full time job and you can only be as happy as the most miserable person in the relationship. You don’t have to worry about what mood your cat is in when you get home from work. You don’t have to worry about your cat starting an argument over petty crap. I really think if you do a study on successful people you’ll find they have a cat rather than a relationship.
I mentioned to Laura the other night on how my ex who died would have been so proud of my writing. She told me my writing would never have happened because he’d have kept my mind too screwed up to concentrate.