Breaking News: Cats Banned Again from Competing in The Olympic Games

Cat Olympics. Photo credit: hsohei

Thursday, February 6 marked the start of the competition held in Sochi at the 22nd Winter Olympics Games. To describe the opening ceremonies on Friday night as spectacular wouldn’t even begin to give them justice. In fact they were mind-blowing.

Ever since I can remember I have been a huge fan of both the Summer and Winter Olympics. However, since the exciting equestrian events have always kept me at the edge of my seat and riveted to the television it’s obvious the summer games are my preference. And since all the events are now streamed live via the Internet, I no longer have to put up with just a teasing-taste of equine sports.

I am looking forward eagerly to watching all the figure-skating, and ice-dancing. I marvel at the grace and athletic prowess of the skaters and greatly admire the skiers’ courage and endurance as they fly down the steep and imposing mountains.

But even so, I have been holding a grudge for many years against the folks on the Olympic committee who make the decisions about which sports to include in the games. While horses are featured in Stadium jumping, Dressage and Eventing competition during the Summer Games, the committee has historically banned cats from participating. Even President Putin couldn’t persuade the committee to at least allow Russian Blues? I tell ya, it just ain’t fair!

It would be so easy to add special events to the Olympic Games’ menu of already approved events. They are those in which our talented cat would greatly exceed. This would not only enhance the quality of the Olympic Games; it would also attract a huge number of spectators willing to pay a premium price just to observe this competition. In my humble opinion, by banning felines from the games, the Olympic Committee is making a huge tactical mistake.

Cat wall climbing. This is a cat in training. He expects to win gold.

Some of the games in which cats excel are:

  • Climb the Cat Tree Race: In this bout felines must first dash 100 yards carrying a catnip mouse in their mouth; then rush to scale a 10 foot carpet covered structure.
  • Napping: This timed event is one in which competitors must sleep curled up in a ball without awakening. The winner is the cat sleeping the longest in spite of extraneous noises designed to interrupt them.
  • Dropping Objects onto the Floor: This is a crowd pleasing event in which a wide variety of assorted items are placed on a platform onto which the cats must jump, sniff, paw, and with visible skill and determination knock down as many objects on to the floor as quickly as possible. Breakable items receive extra points.
  • Acting Finicky: This is the final and most difficult event. Only the highest scoring kitties in the previous competitions are eligible. In this event the cats are offered slices of rare roast beef, roast chicken and turkey, along with plates of canned sardines. The kitty turning up his or her nose, locates something with which to bury these tasty morsels, feigning disgust that the judges find credible will walk away with the Golden Mouse-Medal.

Although I am at risk of being ridiculed by the great unwashed, and called a “crazy cat lady”; regarded as someone who is being totally unrealistic by folks I thought would be supportive to my position, fortunately I discovered that there are others who feel the same way. I am greatly relieved that I am not alone in my dissatisfaction and vituperation.

Please raise your paw if you also believe that cats are being treated unfairly. Don’t they also deserve to take part alongside of the hairless two-legged athletes -the humans who are competing in the Olympic Games? Tell us what you think in a comment.

Jo

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Michael Broad

Hi, I'm a 71-year-old retired solicitor (attorney in the US). Before qualifying I worked in many jobs including professional photography. I have a girlfriend, Michelle. I love nature, cats and all animals. I am concerned about their welfare.

View Comments

  • I gotta say, with this highly creative group, how could it be possible to resist including cats in the Summer Olymic Games. With such fascinating and highly skilled events ideas created by this group of imaginative cat lovers, I just don't see how it will be possible to ban felines. Elisa, I want to add something to your suggestion- not only the cat that digs the deepest, but the cat who digs within the confines of the huge Clever Cat Litter Box gets extra points.

  • You mean it's NOT Sushi? Well then, who cares! Cisco suggests his favorite even is "Tripping the human by getting under his feet." There would be several scoring points on this. "Loudest yowling to indicate that participant is mortally wounded," "Making human fall the most completely without damaging them to the point where they can no longer serve din-din" "Blaming the dog for the event."

  • Elizabeth, I laughed so hard I almost spilled my gingerale.

    Sounds about right for Sochi.

    The problem is that Dr. Hush Puppy is very upset because he thought that if cats were going to finally be accepted at this Winter Olympic games- that they would be going to
    Sushi. When he realised his mistake he told me that something was very "fishy".

  • From what I hear, it's a good thing for the cats that they're not going to SOCHI. I hear the litter boxes were installed upside down.

  • While you raise some very valid *and sharp* points, Jo, I truly believe the reason cats are not allowed to compete in the Olympics is that their agility, speed, prowess and grace are so far above that of members of other species that they'd make everyone else look very, very bad. Ya think? ;)

  • Hey you never know, maybe in the future they will have cat Olympics some where. I think it would be a great idea because cats are so talented and physically fit!

  • I agree whole heartedly. Cats should have their own venue. If dogs can have the Incredible Dog Challange and people can have the Olympics then cats should have their own Olympic trials. The Catathalon, the 40 Yard Food Dash, Hard Wood Floor Sliding, Bottle Cap Hockey, and so many more. Love the article. Keep them coming Jo.

  • Imagine when it was time to present the medals, they would be looking at each other to make sure one hadn't got a bigger or better medal than another just like they do when they get served with their dinners.

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