When frustrated cat owners want to know how to deal with their cat’s “bad behavior”, or try to learn more about their kitty’s health; to get their questions answered many people frequently turn to the Internet to take advantage of the information available on the superabundance of websites, blogs and interactive message boards created for this purpose.
The Internet is also a great place for people to visit to find and join specialized support groups which have been created for folks whose cats have specific medical conditions. It’s in these groups where they are able to share the latest information and ideas. In fact, I have recently joined several of these groups since our two senior cats are now dealing with some serious medical issues.
Most folks I have encountered during my journeys through cyber-space have been extremely caring and supportive. This said, there have been times when I have visited certain message boards, which caused me to be simply appalled with some of the insensitive responses that some people must have felt obligated to share. When the Internet becomes unfriendly and judgmental, the necessary compassionate help goes to Hell in a Hand basket instead.
Now I want to be perfectly clear that I am by no means an angel. There are times when I am reading comments where I can actually feel my blood boiling and I start fantasizing about taking a virtual two-by-four and slamming the commenter upside the head. But over the years with great difficulty, I have learned that I need to find a way to extricate myself from such strong negative emotional reactions. If I truly want to be of assistance; the expression, “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar” is right on the money.
What is it that makes us often quickly react in anger when we run across questions asked by people who are truly ignorant about, as an example, feline nutrition or behavior? I had a hissy fit while reading a post – almost like a reflex – from someone who was punishing her kitten by locking him in his cage whenever his behavior was “unacceptable” to her. She assumed he understood that he was being chastised because he looked so sad and sorrowful while sitting forlornly in his cage. She would open the door once she felt sufficiently sorry for him.
What really got me going was her technique for dealing with his “bad” behavior, and the manner in which she seemed to crow about it. Yes, it was time for me to “smile from the wrists down” and rather than clobber her over the head, try to educate her kindly about how poorly cats react to punishment. Due to her ignorance, she obviously thought she was doing the right thing.
After I centered myself, I responded to her in part by saying,
“In the many years I have lived with kitties, I have learned that cats don’t respond at all well to “punishment”- and I actually think that “punishment” doesn’t serve well for any animal. Instead, cats do respond beautifully to positive reinforcement. Cats are very smart and can learn things quite easily if taught with understanding, patience and compassion….Your kitten has no idea that he is being ‘bad’. He is just doing young cat/kitten things and having a blast. So if you put him in a cage and make him sit in it – he doesn’t understand what is going on. Of course, he feels sad and is very, very confused by his “imprisonment.”
So when we run across these questions and comments, do we agitate or try to educate? We who are knowledgeable about felines have so much to offer folks who are new to cats, or who have been brought up with kitties in less than favorable feline situations. We can make a huge difference in helping cats if we can learn to step back from what is often a normal reaction when we feel that a kitty is not getting the best of care – especially from those folks who we feel really don’t know better. We must be that “friendly and inviting Internet connection”.
What is generally your first reaction when you run across an ignorant cat owner’s questions or comments? What has worked for you that makes an outcome that’s positive? Please share your experiences in a comment.
My heartfelt condolences for your loss, Michael and family. I have lost two beloved cats to murderous dogs and this has definitely shaped my conviction that cats in my care will not go outside unless it is in a completely safe cat-fenced environment. When we lived in the desert, we built a large catio off our living room which was accessible via catdoor, and we had a 4-stall barn which we built out, with a cat-fenced compound, boatdeck carpeting, and climate control. It was a work in progress when my ex decided to divorce me. Here in the city, I would have to pull a permit to have a catio built, and cannot afford it. Lots of windows, perches, and tall cat furniture take the sting of being indoors away; and I know my loved ones are safe. It’s a compromise, but a good one, I think.
Yes terrible things happen to cats, dogs and kids outdoors and it is a constant anxiety when either of our two go out until they’re safely back, the best time of day is when it’s almost time for bed and they’re home, fed and the curtains drawn. But having said all that our cats enjoy their freedom, we have a big garden with a little tunnel in the fence for them to go out onto the path and waste ground beyond, and at the front although there is traffic being in a cul de sac the traffic has to slow down or run into a house! And the boys are clever, if they’re out that way and hear an engine they quickly come into the garden, plus we stand out there, in the middle of the road if necessary to make sure they’re safe. We researched this place well before we moved here and were as sure as we could be that it is cat friendly, you have to decide for yourself if it’s safe to let them out or not. Over the last 41 years we have had 9 cats, here and at our former home and we have been blessed never to lose one outdoors in all that time. I feel so strongly that cats should have as much freedom as we give ourselves, after all we enjoy sunshine and green grass don’t we, well so do they, that if I didn’t live somewhere where I could let my cats out I wouldn’t have cats.
I have changed my views on inside cats somewhat I have to admit. I have decided that in my case a major barrier to free-roaming is my emotional state. I couldn’t bear to lose my cat or allow him to be injured outside. I have lost one cat already on the road at a previous home. The lasting emotion which that experience created prevents me taking even small risks on my cat’s behalf.