When frustrated cat owners want to know how to deal with their cat’s “bad behavior”, or try to learn more about their kitty’s health; to get their questions answered many people frequently turn to the Internet to take advantage of the information available on the superabundance of websites, blogs and interactive message boards created for this purpose.
The Internet is also a great place for people to visit to find and join specialized support groups which have been created for folks whose cats have specific medical conditions. It’s in these groups where they are able to share the latest information and ideas. In fact, I have recently joined several of these groups since our two senior cats are now dealing with some serious medical issues.
Most folks I have encountered during my journeys through cyber-space have been extremely caring and supportive. This said, there have been times when I have visited certain message boards, which caused me to be simply appalled with some of the insensitive responses that some people must have felt obligated to share. When the Internet becomes unfriendly and judgmental, the necessary compassionate help goes to Hell in a Hand basket instead.
Now I want to be perfectly clear that I am by no means an angel. There are times when I am reading comments where I can actually feel my blood boiling and I start fantasizing about taking a virtual two-by-four and slamming the commenter upside the head. But over the years with great difficulty, I have learned that I need to find a way to extricate myself from such strong negative emotional reactions. If I truly want to be of assistance; the expression, “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar” is right on the money.
What is it that makes us often quickly react in anger when we run across questions asked by people who are truly ignorant about, as an example, feline nutrition or behavior? I had a hissy fit while reading a post – almost like a reflex – from someone who was punishing her kitten by locking him in his cage whenever his behavior was “unacceptable” to her. She assumed he understood that he was being chastised because he looked so sad and sorrowful while sitting forlornly in his cage. She would open the door once she felt sufficiently sorry for him.
What really got me going was her technique for dealing with his “bad” behavior, and the manner in which she seemed to crow about it. Yes, it was time for me to “smile from the wrists down” and rather than clobber her over the head, try to educate her kindly about how poorly cats react to punishment. Due to her ignorance, she obviously thought she was doing the right thing.
After I centered myself, I responded to her in part by saying,
“In the many years I have lived with kitties, I have learned that cats don’t respond at all well to “punishment”- and I actually think that “punishment” doesn’t serve well for any animal. Instead, cats do respond beautifully to positive reinforcement. Cats are very smart and can learn things quite easily if taught with understanding, patience and compassion….Your kitten has no idea that he is being ‘bad’. He is just doing young cat/kitten things and having a blast. So if you put him in a cage and make him sit in it – he doesn’t understand what is going on. Of course, he feels sad and is very, very confused by his “imprisonment.”
So when we run across these questions and comments, do we agitate or try to educate? We who are knowledgeable about felines have so much to offer folks who are new to cats, or who have been brought up with kitties in less than favorable feline situations. We can make a huge difference in helping cats if we can learn to step back from what is often a normal reaction when we feel that a kitty is not getting the best of care – especially from those folks who we feel really don’t know better. We must be that “friendly and inviting Internet connection”.
What is generally your first reaction when you run across an ignorant cat owner’s questions or comments? What has worked for you that makes an outcome that’s positive? Please share your experiences in a comment.
If I did commit commit violence is would meet the highest ethical and moral standards 😉 .
Seriously though, I totally agree with you. It is the vulnerability of animals living in what is often (but not always) a pretty harsh world for them and often made worse by humans, which gets me emotionally.
Understand, and in no way was I directing comment directly AT you, Michael 😉 But yes, I do realize that, and that’s why, over here, people are hypervigilant over their kids. Being my responsibility as well as my beloved family, I would rather be safe than sorry — and I can’t imagine anyone losing a cat and ever being able to go on without regretting. I have lost cats outdoors either when I didn’t know better, or more recently, when we moved and thought this little guy was safe in our cat-fenced compound, but he somehow escaped. We put up signs, I put an ad in the paper, etc. He never did get back to us, and I will be haunted by this always. I like to think he was snagged by someone who is loving him now. I will always choose to believe that.
Jmuhj: If your local environment makes it unsafe for a cat to go outside then it’s wise to keep them indoors. I’ve done so myself when I had concerns about local traffic whilst living in Cyprus.
However in the UK, I’ve always been fortunate to live on fairly quiet streets where neighbours are cat-friendly. My last four cats all died of cancer or kidney disease, which coincidentally happen to be the two most common causes of death in cats over 5 years in the UK. (According to the RSPCA’s latest figures.)
I am not in any way trivialising the potential dangers you list for cats, but you do realise that they (and many more) can equally apply to children? No-one would suggest keeping children under lock and key 24/7, despite the ever increasing number of them who go missing or are abducted each year. I love my cats and the decision to let them outside unsupervised is one which is very carefully considered beforehand. Like children, I want them to enjoy their lives to the full within relative safety.
While I agree 100% with you both on the subject of onychectomy (sp.?) or declawing, for the samre reasons, I will just gently point out that sociopathy and cruelty ARE on the rise not only in the usa but also in UK. There is, for instance, a rash of disappearances of cats in and around Ipswich which is very suspicious. And, a dear friend and fellow cat (and other animal species) lover has had two beloved cats disappear from outside her home; this happened years ago and I’m sure we’ll never know what happened, but again, as with human kids, when I am responsible for the wellbeing of cats in my care, whom I love dearly, I WILL do everything possible to keep them safe, and that means keeping them inside, away from sociopaths, vicious dogs, motor vehicles, parasites, harmful plants and substances, etc. They have lots of enrichment, lots of windows to look out, and lots of love. I do not feel guilty in the slightest; rather, the opposite.
“VIOLENCE” per se is not something I like or want to see, but JUSTICE, that hackneyed, tired old term, IS DEFINITELY what I like and want to see. We are talking about someone innocent, vulnerable, blameless, and voiceless, giving unconditional loyalty and love and depending on humans for care, being betrayed by those humans. Again, if it were a human child, this society gets rabid about any real (or imagined, in many cases, IMHO) mistreatment to them by guardians or others; I say members of other species are far more vulnerable and far more in need of protection that human kids. They deserve it more, too, again IMHO. I have no apology for my feelings, as I believe they are the feelings any decent, kind, compassionate person would have.
Yeah, I have the same problem, frequently, and yes, as this is a nice site with nice people on it, I’ll leave it at that. 😉