Cat owners should not expect the same level of love and affection they receive from dogs

Cat affection. Closeness. Need.
Cat affection. Closeness. Need.

The words in the title are those of Dr John Bradshaw, a high profile cat behaviourist and author in the UK. You’ll also see him on TV. He also says that cat owners make the mistake of believing that cats should be affectionate towards us whenever we want. I think he is saying that we want a cat to act like a dog but be a cat. Some cats are more able to be dog-like in behaviour but most are not.

Incidentally are dogs affectionate on demand? I don’t believe they are. There is also a subtle difference between real affection and being needy. Dogs are more needy but is needing something a sign of affection?

An aspect of cat behaviour supports his argument;

Research shows that if you wait for your cat to come to you and say hello, it will spend longer with you than if you approach the cat first.

Dr Bradshaw says that cats have things on their minds other than being a pet to their owner! He remarks that people expect too much of their cat in terms of receiving affection.

I am not sure I agree. I wonder if this is more about education again. I believe a cat does deliver a similar level of affection to their caretakers as dogs. The question is whether the owner is aware of the more subtle behaviour of a cat and also whether the owner relates to their cat in a way which elicits affection.

If the perceptions of a cat owner are that their cat is aloof and standoffish that in itself will affect how the person interacts with their cat. The cat does tend to have a public profile of being ‘independent’ and aloof.

I don’t recognise aloofness combined with a lack of affection in my personal experiences and relationships with my cats. It is a different kind of affection perhaps. Less in-your-face and less needy but it is there nonetheless.

In fact, a lot of people prefer the more subtle signs of cat affection such as:

  • Lying against you and quietly getting on with grooming herself. A cat uses us as a source of warmth and as a prop to assist in grooming while being close to us.
  • Grooming you
  • Looking at you in ‘that way’ – the slow blink or even without a blink. You can see and feel the connection.
  • Just quietly being with you, near you. This is low profile stuff. It is not overt affection but just being there and being reliable and consistent is a valuable characteristic in a relationship.

A cat’s affection runs silently in the background. I like that and it suits a lot of people. I am not saying that Dr Bradshaw is wrong. I am simply questioning it.

28 thoughts on “Cat owners should not expect the same level of love and affection they receive from dogs”

  1. The author of the best comment will receive an Amazon gift of their choice at Christmas! Please comment as they can add to the article and pass on your valuable experience.
  2. Michael, do YOU know of a cat understander/whisperer [in quotes] who has better understanding than we do of our cats? I certainly don’t. You?

    Reply
  3. Very good article, with deep love of cats, Michael
    In my opinion and experience, both are pets and are different in their nature.
    If we accept that dog is a dog and cat is a cat.
    There will be no argument whether any one is more or less affectionate with his/her owner.

    Let us accept the TRUTH, first.
    Every cat has its own psychology level but let us find out the common behavior/ attitude of a cat.
    The common in all cats is..
    They are very needy, much needy than a dog.
    Cat’s satisfaction lay behind three basic provisions….i.e.
    1. Whether we provide them food and water, they love?
    2. Whether we provide them a safe corner(Safe shelter) for their own being?
    3. Whether we tolerate them (What so ever they like, they may not be interrupted)?

    The answer:
    1. If we will provide a cat the best food, she will be affectionate with us, YES true <3
    2. If we will let our noises low, keep a bit silent at home and keep patience, YES true <3
    3. Cat scratching, biting, running fast, jumping up and down etc. means the basic cat behavior tolerance in human being … YES true. They will feel safe with us and live with us happily but …

    If once you decide to STOP the cat or kitten by a "NO" or "YELP" …. hmmm … there I see a change in behavior. What about a call to the kitty, LAILAAAaaaaa! some times she will respond and some times she will not, just look at you with her (natural) pretty look and keep doing what she wants to finish 🙂

    But again CAT is a CAT (Don't forget this, ever) and let us show some affection with the cat and tolerate her. You know, she is our child (alike). Innocent tiny fellow <3

    Now dogs have a different instinct! I have a experience with a PUPPY (Feral). She was a great dog and very much intelligent <3. I loved her more than my self Michael. Still remember her. Her name was PUZZO. I told about that in one of my posts here. Don't wanna repeat 🙁 but what I experienced was that a dog is much clever pet than a cat.

    Why????

    Because as I said before ….

    Cats are cats <3
    and

    dogs are dogs <3

    How can I treat, expect or consider different species as "ONE" in nature and attitude. No way! I am a simple man, not an expert and even not a circus animal trainer. I am just a Cats & Dogs lover, that's all I can say <3 🙂

    Reply
      • Thank you Kylee <3
        I think that Michael, Ruth, DEE and you have the same thoughts as I have and perhaps, we are over-sensitive towards all cats but the TRUTH is that cats can only live with true lovers (owners) and very sensitive owner like us who believe in nature and don't wanna be un-natural.

        I dislike artificial life or impose any on my cats or kittens.

        Maybe all of you will just think it like a low standard JOKE but it is true that some times I HISS on my cats if I find they are doing something wrong for their life or health 😛

        Is it a madness or involvement? :O

        Reply
      • Yes true <3

        Michael! there are different aspects regarding keeping a cat as a pet
        OR
        keeping a dog as a pet

        What I always mean is that both have their own instincts and characteristics.

        Why messing them up in "ONE" ?

        My question to Dr. John Bradshaw, I love Zebras, and I want my Zebra to act like a horse, is it possible Dr. sahib 😛 ???????

        Reply
  4. Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.

    AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.

    But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.

    Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”

    Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.

    Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.

    His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)

    At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.

    I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.

    The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.

    True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When Evelyn passed away, the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.

    A dog?

    NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.

    Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.

    Reply
    • It looks like I have this, and three other posts, perfectly prepared for your “dust bin”!

      I need to be more careful. Working without an “Edit your Post” button is like working a high-wire without a net.

      Thank you for your efforts towards fixing this ‘thread’ that I have completely thrashed, Michael.

      Please post asap how things are going with your kitty Charlie. I am pretty sure he (and yourself) are having prayers beamed world-wide into your home!

      Reply
      • Thanks Bruce. Sorry there is no edit button. I’ll try and fix that. I do actually edit some comments if there are obvious typos. Anything published as a page is read by me word for word normally so we tend to eliminate typos except for me 😉 There is no one to proof read my stuff.

        I found your treatment interesting and I was very pleased it was successful. It was a mighty blockage. There is a difference between what a book says and what a person actually does.

        As you can see I am very laissez fair about comment threads. The important thing is talking and passing on information.

        Reply
  5. Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.

    AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.

    But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.

    Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”

    Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.

    Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.

    His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)

    At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.

    I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.

    The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.

    True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When “When Evelyn passed away”, the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.

    A dog?

    NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.

    Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.

    Reply
  6. Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.

    AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.

    But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.

    Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”

    Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.

    Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.

    His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)

    At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.

    I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.

    The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.

    True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When , the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.

    A dog?

    NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.

    Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.

    Reply

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