The words in the title are those of Dr John Bradshaw, a high profile cat behaviourist and author in the UK. You’ll also see him on TV. He also says that cat owners make the mistake of believing that cats should be affectionate towards us whenever we want. I think he is saying that we want a cat to act like a dog but be a cat. Some cats are more able to be dog-like in behaviour but most are not.
Incidentally are dogs affectionate on demand? I don’t believe they are. There is also a subtle difference between real affection and being needy. Dogs are more needy but is needing something a sign of affection?
An aspect of cat behaviour supports his argument;
Research shows that if you wait for your cat to come to you and say hello, it will spend longer with you than if you approach the cat first.
Dr Bradshaw says that cats have things on their minds other than being a pet to their owner! He remarks that people expect too much of their cat in terms of receiving affection.
I am not sure I agree. I wonder if this is more about education again. I believe a cat does deliver a similar level of affection to their caretakers as dogs. The question is whether the owner is aware of the more subtle behaviour of a cat and also whether the owner relates to their cat in a way which elicits affection.
If the perceptions of a cat owner are that their cat is aloof and standoffish that in itself will affect how the person interacts with their cat. The cat does tend to have a public profile of being ‘independent’ and aloof.
I don’t recognise aloofness combined with a lack of affection in my personal experiences and relationships with my cats. It is a different kind of affection perhaps. Less in-your-face and less needy but it is there nonetheless.
In fact, a lot of people prefer the more subtle signs of cat affection such as:
- Lying against you and quietly getting on with grooming herself. A cat uses us as a source of warmth and as a prop to assist in grooming while being close to us.
- Grooming you
- Looking at you in ‘that way’ – the slow blink or even without a blink. You can see and feel the connection.
- Just quietly being with you, near you. This is low profile stuff. It is not overt affection but just being there and being reliable and consistent is a valuable characteristic in a relationship.
A cat’s affection runs silently in the background. I like that and it suits a lot of people. I am not saying that Dr Bradshaw is wrong. I am simply questioning it.
Just had to rewrite this messege, as was halfway though and the page decided to automatically zoom and then reset itself. SO annyoing arrgh. I just love how as people of cat protecters and Cat Careers etc, how we all think the same things. We all know from what I can gather how we are senestive to their needs and know when they are unwell or any change. I love the Truth based things mentioned. Love being able to help or Support where I can. Love hearing about everyone’s Cats and whatever is going on. I agree with Cal with what she said. Hope Charlie doing ok thinking of you all at this time. 🙂
Thanks Kylee. Thanks for your support and I agree we do relate to our cats in the same way. We understand them.
Well I think you were there for us when our Animals were hurt and we all Know how much Charlie means to you. Its a Pleaseure to support. Cats are so important to us 🙂
Charlie will be OKAY or he won;t. Regardless of how YOU feel. Do the best that you can, as we already know that you do, and accept the rest. We love you both… Love, C
Michael, do YOU know of a cat understander/whisperer [in quotes] who has better understanding than we do of our cats? I certainly don’t. You?
Very good article, with deep love of cats, Michael
In my opinion and experience, both are pets and are different in their nature.
If we accept that dog is a dog and cat is a cat.
There will be no argument whether any one is more or less affectionate with his/her owner.
Let us accept the TRUTH, first.
Every cat has its own psychology level but let us find out the common behavior/ attitude of a cat.
The common in all cats is..
They are very needy, much needy than a dog.
Cat’s satisfaction lay behind three basic provisions….i.e.
1. Whether we provide them food and water, they love?
2. Whether we provide them a safe corner(Safe shelter) for their own being?
3. Whether we tolerate them (What so ever they like, they may not be interrupted)?
The answer:
1. If we will provide a cat the best food, she will be affectionate with us, YES true <3
2. If we will let our noises low, keep a bit silent at home and keep patience, YES true <3
3. Cat scratching, biting, running fast, jumping up and down etc. means the basic cat behavior tolerance in human being … YES true. They will feel safe with us and live with us happily but …
If once you decide to STOP the cat or kitten by a "NO" or "YELP" …. hmmm … there I see a change in behavior. What about a call to the kitty, LAILAAAaaaaa! some times she will respond and some times she will not, just look at you with her (natural) pretty look and keep doing what she wants to finish 🙂
But again CAT is a CAT (Don't forget this, ever) and let us show some affection with the cat and tolerate her. You know, she is our child (alike). Innocent tiny fellow <3
Now dogs have a different instinct! I have a experience with a PUPPY (Feral). She was a great dog and very much intelligent <3. I loved her more than my self Michael. Still remember her. Her name was PUZZO. I told about that in one of my posts here. Don't wanna repeat 🙁 but what I experienced was that a dog is much clever pet than a cat.
Why????
Because as I said before ….
Cats are cats <3
and
dogs are dogs <3
How can I treat, expect or consider different species as "ONE" in nature and attitude. No way! I am a simple man, not an expert and even not a circus animal trainer. I am just a Cats & Dogs lover, that's all I can say <3 🙂
Agree Totally. I love what you wrote Ashan. You are always so practically and right on the nail with things.
Thank you Kylee <3
I think that Michael, Ruth, DEE and you have the same thoughts as I have and perhaps, we are over-sensitive towards all cats but the TRUTH is that cats can only live with true lovers (owners) and very sensitive owner like us who believe in nature and don't wanna be un-natural.
I dislike artificial life or impose any on my cats or kittens.
Maybe all of you will just think it like a low standard JOKE but it is true that some times I HISS on my cats if I find they are doing something wrong for their life or health 😛
Is it a madness or involvement? :O
Nice points Ahsan. It is about having a deep understanding of cats and letting them express their natural behaviour as best we can and accepting the subtle friendship we receive in return.
Yes true <3
Michael! there are different aspects regarding keeping a cat as a pet
OR
keeping a dog as a pet
What I always mean is that both have their own instincts and characteristics.
Why messing them up in "ONE" ?
My question to Dr. John Bradshaw, I love Zebras, and I want my Zebra to act like a horse, is it possible Dr. sahib 😛 ???????
Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.
AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.
But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.
Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”
Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.
Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.
His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)
At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.
I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.
The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.
True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When Evelyn passed away, the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.
A dog?
NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.
Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.
AAACK!!! I tried using the a href and BOTCHED it.
Michael, can you patch it up for me?
It was meant as “When Evelyn passed away” was a link to http://bismarcktribune.com/news/obituaries/evelyn-larsen/article_3fba7926-0416-11e1-aa78-001cc4c002e0.html, followed by “the kitties were with her.
I will study up with my HTML before trying something like that again.
Solrry, and thank you for fixing it.
~Bruce
It looks like I have this, and three other posts, perfectly prepared for your “dust bin”!
I need to be more careful. Working without an “Edit your Post” button is like working a high-wire without a net.
Thank you for your efforts towards fixing this ‘thread’ that I have completely thrashed, Michael.
Please post asap how things are going with your kitty Charlie. I am pretty sure he (and yourself) are having prayers beamed world-wide into your home!
Thanks Bruce. Sorry there is no edit button. I’ll try and fix that. I do actually edit some comments if there are obvious typos. Anything published as a page is read by me word for word normally so we tend to eliminate typos except for me 😉 There is no one to proof read my stuff.
I found your treatment interesting and I was very pleased it was successful. It was a mighty blockage. There is a difference between what a book says and what a person actually does.
As you can see I am very laissez fair about comment threads. The important thing is talking and passing on information.
Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.
AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.
But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.
Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”
Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.
Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.
His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)
At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.
I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.
The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.
True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When “When Evelyn passed away”, the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.
A dog?
NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.
Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.
Dogs only fake affection for the most part, I believe. I grew up in a household with dogs, cats, gerbils, rabbits, frogs, turtles, mice, birds, etc, and the occasional wild critter than just showed up to be fed (or chased with a broom by my mother!), so I feel somewhat qualified to comment on this.
AND, as a 4 year-old, I had my life saved by the family Cocker-Spaniel (she knocked me down as I ran into the street and was run-over instead of me, right before my eyes), so I know and appreciate the concept of the dedication and immutable sense of duty a dog can possess. They are like the Marines of the animal kingdom.
But true, spontaneous “affection”? I am not so sure. I believe they are simply being demonstrative of need, and using their canine wiles to procure those favors they desire.
Are they sentient beings? Do they feel love? Oh, of course, I don’t deny that. But I do believe that like a sociopathic human, they are mostly balancing their feigned affection against an internal dialog, like “I wonder how many times I have to lick and snort in this fool’s ear before he goes and gets me my SNAUSAGES!!!”
Cats, dear creatures they are, may also play that game a bit; but when you least expect it, and for no apparent reason other than true, spontaneous affection, they will seek you out for “the treatment”. Sure, there likely is some kind of payoff for them, but it is purely psychic in nature – they feel good having expressed feeling good about you.
Dr. Itchy Brother once silently clawed and chewed his way through a thick cardboard barricade I set up to keep him out of the bedroom, as he could not stand not being in the presence of my late wife Evelyn. When we awoke that morning, he was curled up asleep around her and purring, bloodied front paws and gums for his efforts.
His “little sister”, Angelina Porcelaina Figurina (she sits on the nick-nack shelf, motionless, for hours on end) could simply never bear being less than an arms-length away from her. She would just sit and stare – affectionately – at Evelyn. Nothing needed, nothing demanded. (“Angel Kitty”, her Nurse Kitty)
At the grocery store about 100 meters behind our house, I found a poor, tiny little Calico kitten running around the parking lot trying to get attention. It was near zero degrees Fahrenheit, and she was in great physical and emotional crisis.
I brought the proprietor out to see the situation, and demanded that “something has to be done!” As we spoke, the kitten ran up my legs, back, and shoulder to the top of my head, where she simply spread-eagle over the top of me and dug her claws into my scalp quite firmly.
The store owner simply looked at me and calmly said “I think we solved the problem” and went back into the store. I walked home with my cat-hat on. When I walked into the bedroom, Evelyn noticed my new hat, studied it for a moment, held her arms open and said “Hi, Sally!” and the kitten lept into her arms and never left her alone for more than 10 minutes from that day forward.
True love and affection, from all of the kitties. Nothing, but nothing required in return. When , the kitties were with her, on the bed and in her lap, and they were truly sad.
A dog?
NO WAY would I expect that kind of love, affection or understanding from a dog.
Doc Bradshaw has it backwards.
I find my cats loving and affectionate,especially my male cat “Matata”. He wakes up the household every morning, the natural alarm bell.My female cat “matahari” at times gets totally attached to my possessions,like me bed or book shelf.Only difference between cats and dogs is that cats can’t be trained to obey orders on “COMMAND”.Otherwise cats are as affectionate and as loving as dogs.
You find cats are as affectionate as dogs it seems to me. It is just a different kind of affection.
Well most of my Cats come for love and affection. The most affectionate is Jasmine. But they all have their special Qualites. Cats are not Selfish. THey each have their own way of giving attention and love. My Quiest Boy Smokey. Will come when things are Quiet or when theres not other cats around and stay close. They each have special Qualities. I guess its a personal CHoice. I’ve found it so stress relieving just to even pat or stroke a Cat. It really does relex me. To see them also loving it so much as well like they actually crave the attention. Its like them knowing they are truely loved.
You have wonder where some of these behaviourists draw their conclusions. Are they cat caretakers themselves or are they only clinical caretakers?
I’ve had some dogs and can attest to the fact that they are not always affectionate on demand. Some can be as downright bitchy as I am today when approached.
And cats… there are days when I’m so bombarded with affection (not to be mistaken for neediness) that I can barely move and accompanied by a crowd just to pee.
There are those times, though, when cats are sort of like women and have to be in the mood. I think that’s why I tend to believe that women understand cat behavior better than men.
Nice comment. I liked the bit about being in the mood like women. You make a very good point too about being a scientist discussing it from a scientific standpoint compared to what is happening on the ground – in reality. Perhaps what Dr Bradshaw is getting at is that the average cat owner is not aware enough and ‘cat educated enough’ to fully understand cat behaviour in relation to affection and so they have misconceptions and false expectations.
I don’t “expect” love and affection from our cats I desire it and I enjoy it but to earn it I have to give them love and affection in return, just the same as any other family member. Does this so called expert think we get cats as some sort of supplier of love and affection on demand, like a vending machine a few ear rubs and here comes the love and affection? Does he think we don’t know the difference between what to expect from a cat and what to expect from a dog. Daft man, he is talking rubbish. Sorry Dr Bradshaw but that is the truth.
Oh Babz!
“like a vending machine”
Too true and too funny.
He is possibly referring to mainstream cat ownership rather than the refined cat caretaking you know. You and Ruth are not typical cat caretakers. You are in the premier league while most cat owners are in the fourth division and perhaps Bradshaw is commenting on the fourth division. It is these cat owners who might fail to understand cats and as a consequence have misplaced expectations.
Oh these cat behaviourists think they know it all, but in reality they don’t know as much as us cat loving caretakers!
If he means we want a cat to act like a dog but still be a cat, he is talking a load of rubbish, if we wanted a pet to act like a dog we’d get a dog!
Our cats give us all the love in the world, they just don’t fawn over us like dogs do, they are far too dignified to do that.
Our cats Walter and Jozef have special little words of love for us, if they are lying there and irresistible and I go for a bit of love they greet me with a special brrrr and the purrs start up. Walter has a whole range of meows with different meanings. Also it’s very rare for an adult cat to meow to another, but on meeting Jozef the other day he said his special meow he uses to us, which means ‘hello’
Jozef didn’t reply lol I think he was shocked as we’ve never heard them talk to each other before.
Living with cats as family we can learn far more than from any ‘expert’
I love your words Michael ‘A cat’s affection runs silently in the background’ and I’d say you know much more about cats than any ‘expert’ does
well said, Ruth!! ♥♥♥
Michael, my cats are very devoted to me. I get tons of love and affection from them — not necessarily on demand, but I get it nonetheless. Some are more affectionate than the others, but I get my fill of love and attention from my “kids”. I especially get this when I am ready to go to sleep. Most of them love to cuddle with Mommy — especially on chilly nights. Most of the time, they at least want to be in the same room that I am in at all times. I truly believe they know that Mommy returns the same to them. I get kisses and head bonkies on a regular basis. They pamper me as much as I pamper them!! love my “kids’!! ♥♥♥♥♥
same with me too. Often I’ve got two Cats on the table when I write on the Laptop sometimes even 3. When I go to bed at night they are always there. If I dont give one attention and If Ive been on Computer too long they will get Extra Cuddly and demand I get off the Computer and cuddle them!!!