Furby’s Dictionary By Cats And For Cats
by Furby Salmons
Sshhh...neutering scary word...
Hi everybody! It's Furby! I'm putting together a dictionary of words used by cats and their human servants and I need some help. I'm going to tell you what I've got so far and then you can help me add on to it.
My wonderful Godfather Michael wanted to do this article when mama was explaining a "poop-fest" to him a few days ago. I emailed him and told him he's not cute enough to get away with talking about poop. I AM!
So that's gonna be my first word. Then I'll give you some others and you can send me what you've got and we'll put them together into a BIG book. Maybe then our human servants will know what we're talking about.
POOP-FEST. This isn't a word just about poop. It's an event! A wonderful event involving lots of tasty food and hopefully even some good grade catnip to get the party going. A cat has a small stomach and to be able to eat a LOT, we have to...um...get rid of some of it. I don't like to puke it up as the dogs will gross me out by eating it. (How barbaric!).
I just go over to the litter box and poop. A lot. And then I dig in it like I'm trying to dig to China. I guess if you're a cat in China you can say you're trying to dig to the U.S. Teeheehee. Anyway, when a cat poops a lot for the sole purpose of being able to eat more food, we call it a poop-fest.
SNEAKERDOODLED. This means I've been snuck up on by one of my humans. Usually when I'm in the middle of a cat nap or when I'm doing something I'm not supposed to be doing.
HEEBEEGEEBEE ATTACK. This phrase is named after my best friend and cohort, Rat Heebeegeebee. He's usually fussing at me about my overindulgence in catnip. Or forgetting to invite him to a catnip party. Sorry, Rat. Rat lives across the world in the U.K. Sometimes I have to rent him a vacuum cleaner so he can fly to my house. Brooms are so out of it in the 21st century. He doesn't come to see me anyway. He's in love with our rescue Cassie. At least he can't fuss at me over sending a catnip junkie home under the influence. We always invite those too...well... you know... to sleep over in one of our many cat beds. I AM a responsible party giver!
SNOTTSNBOOGERS. This means exactly what it sounds like. It has a medical name. I think mama calls it an upper respiratory infection. You got a runny nose and every now and then you sneeze something across the room. Mama, I'm really sorry when I do this without any warning. Cats, if you ever get this, be careful where you sleep or you'll be meeting up with my next word.
VIOLATED. This is the worst word in the dictionary for cats. It always happens at the vets office and often follows hearing the word snottsnboogers. The vet or vet assistant usually does this near the beginning of the visit. Unless you have an experienced cat mama who's brave enough to try this at home. Violated means a thermometer has been inserted...never mind, I don't won't to spoil the surprise. It may also mean you're being checked for (shudder) intestinal WORMS! Eewwwhh! I'm SO happy I've never had those.
CAT-NIPTION. This happens a lot in my house. Usually around 3 a.m. It means the cats all go crazy at the same time playing or after food (or catnip). We run back and forth like something is chasing us. Or we may have a catniption when our humans are eating something we really really want a bite of. I want to warn you that during a true catniption, a cat may do anything to get what it wants. The word makes it sound like we're under the influence of catnip. We may be. Or we may just be wanting some catnip. All I can say is you'd better figure out what we want in a hurry during a catniption or somebody's gonna get hurt!
I hope to hear back from all of you with words I can add to my new dictionary. Cats, do your humans use any interesting words you'd like to share?