How Do Cats Choose Cat Friends?

I have only had interaction with one declawed cat (I feel it is cruel and inhumane to declaw) so I can't add too much to that area. The declawed cat I met lived with her brother who was also declawed. They were rescues and grew up together. The female was very friendly with me, but her brother was too shy to come very close. May have been too many people visiting at the time. The owners were having their babies first birthday family get-together. Sorry, rambling on... so...

My mother had many cats over her lifetime. Some got along quite well with others; some did not. One particular female comes to mind. Her name was Pandora. Mom got her when she was about a year old and pregnant. The people who originally owned her were not devoted cat people. Pan went into season, carried on like Siamese/Burmese do, and was thrown outside because the owners could not deal with the noise. When she came to Mom's house, she was a terrified mother-to-be. The other cats seemed to accept her in varying degrees.

After the kittens were born, Pan was a very devoted mother. Once the kittens were weaned, Pan wanted nothing more to do with them. She would hiss, growl, and swat at them if they came too close. Pan was a people-person and wanted NOTHING to do with other cats.

I think cats are small versions of people with lots of hair and lack of the human language. If we watch them closely, we should see that each one has his own personality just like humans. Since they don't speak human like we do, they rely on smell and body language to help them decide who to befriend. They communicate their feelings through pretty much the same way we do.

I think that declawed cats probably socialize in basically the same way as intact cats do, inspite of their disadvantages. I would like to believe that intact cats will take into consideration the disabled kitties handicap and treat them with kindness, even if they decide not to like each other.

We could learn a lot from cats. ;D

It would indeed be a great way of getting more cats into loving homes. But the fact remains that many cats in multi cat households exhibit signs of stress whether their owners realise it or not. Just ask any vet.

To some extent how cats get along depends on how introductions are made, how much space you have and the current hierarchy...and I suppose the personality of the cats concerned. And lets not forget cats can get on for years ..and then confound us by falling out.

One more cat can be one too many. But there will be folk with or one or two cats who probably could squeeze another one in...sadly though people don't always want to do the work. My friend Jackie is a great 'cat mum'. But she's adament she only wants one..

Good luck with your project.

We had 6 and one of our girls Misu was very dominate,from the age of 2 and up. They were all precious in their own individuality. She was a dilute calico. I don't have these dear babies at this time as I lost them in a fire Dec. 11/11, they are with God now along with all our other dear pet family. We will be taking in a feral we have been caring for whom we have named Simba. He was actually an owned cat who was abandoned twice and is going on 10, dear little guy. I have been taking care of him outside in a carrier, food, treats and blanketed carrier until my apartment is ready which hopefully will be soon for Simba's sake.

We had 6 and one of our girls Misu was very dominate,from the age of 2 and up. They were all precious in their own individuality. She was a dilute calico. I don't have these dear babies at this time as I lost them in a fire Dec. 11/11, they are with God now along with all our other dear pet family. We will be taking in a feral we have been caring for whom we have named Simba. He was actually an owned cat who was abandoned twice and is going on 10, dear little guy. I have been taking care of him outside in a carrier, food, treats and blanketed carrier until my apartment is ready which hopefully will be soon for Simba's sake.

i think whether they are an alpha cat makes a big difference. i have 10 right now. the 18&19 year olds died over a year ago. the 19 year old got along with almost everyone, the 18 year old dominated everyone, including trying it on me. after he passed,the dynamics changed. i separate them by relationships. i try introducing them slowly. leaving a crack in the door or gate between rooms they are in. or exposing them to each other while i can be there to supervise. i volunteer at a shelter & we almost lost a cat to infection because a cat attacked another when no one was there. now we keep only one cat out at a time if no one is there unless they previously have lived together. i keep 4 ferals in my bedroom & kitchen that i've had since 1999,2002& 2004. 2 others that don't like other cats in my living room area. they tolerate each other but hiss & go after any other cat that comes their way. had these cats since 2004&2006. have tried countless times to mix them but there's always a drama. the male will seriously go after the feral males. one of the feral males is an alpha. he came into the shelter as a puffball with fangs & claws in 1999 with his littermates. i took him home because he was considered "unadoptable". he will also go after this male. they will sit on opposite sides of the door & taunt each other. i also rescued a pregnant female outside in the winter 3 years ago. she had 4 kittens, my neighbor took one. they are upstairs in the bedroom & bathroom area. the alpha who does not like the other male cats will tolerate the kittens, who are now 3. the alpha female growls if they approach her. the kittens still want to cuddle with their mother. she is all set with raising them. she will lie on the same bed with them but does not want them touching her. she doesn't like the cats in my living room. much growling between the females if she comes down. i think all 3 of those cats would prefer to be an only cat. if the right situation came up, i would adopt them out. the littermates have remained close & will pile on top of each other. when my neighbor was adopting the one, we took her over every night for 2 weeks. she had 4 cats & wanted to make sure she would adapt. we also took the kittens littermates over with her one at a time to see if she would be more comfortable. during those 2 weeks, that kitten was developing a closer bond to her cats than her littermates. once she started hissing at her brother & sisters, we felt it was time to leave her stay. my neighbor's cats loved the little kitten that was coming to play & she loved that attention. 3 years later she still gets along great in her new home. my neighbor's feral cat has come out of her shell a little more too. he had issues with that cat hiding all the time from her other cats. i also separate cats as needed for feeding. often one will run from their food to grab another's hoping to save their food for later. i just separate as needed to make sure everyone gets their fair share.

I have no concrete answers, only guesses. Since cats can detect scents we cannot, that likely plays some part. I believe those cats that have something wrong with them may also know that and behave differently, perhaps fearfully or aggressively if they are in pain. I agree with those who say cats know when they are declawed, and I know of several who were re-homed privately; one because he no longer got along with other cats, and one who was a danger to the kids.

That's pretty much what we do. We turn the new cat loose in the living room unless its sick. Then it can stay if it wants or go hide if it wants. We've had very few squabbles. Just a few hiss and walk away moments.

i have several cats and brought home a new one - in the past it i had learned that it could take up to month and half for new cats to accept one another -
by accident i learned that if you put the new cat in a dog crate over night in the same room with existing cats it totally speeds up the process. it is mostly i suspect a fear and territorial thing - and the dog crate provides a safe barrier so they can get to know each other - and assuming all parties are spay/neutered
btw- i had the new cat in a crate the first night because it was impromptu - surprise unplanned new cat - it was late that night so i left him in there over night -waited til the next morning to make accommodations - i was pleased to have no cat quarrels the next day.
amd
the dog crate is one of the wire open kind -
worked for me - and after a day they were all friends. i recommend even swopping and putting your original cat in the dog crate and allow the new cat to roam in the existing territory.
maybe i got lucky but worth a try; it worked for me.

Our Misty was declawed and turned into the shelter for the second time. The euthanasia list said she wouldn't go back up for adoption. It's sad to see her try to stretch claws that aren't there. And we won't allow the other cats to pick on her as she can't defend herself. Lily was also supposed to be declawed but we think she only had hers trimmed.

I don't agree with declawing under any circumstances. Still, I'd like for those with declawed cats to put in their cat-cat friendship stories just to see if declawed cats behave differently because they're declawed.

And for anyone with declawed cats, be aware the new laser surgery causes 4th degree burns. That means the laser burns into the bone as the claw is removed. And cats are very good at hiding pain.

Just for the record, why is it a must that you have your cat's toes amputated off? I live in Los Angeles where it is illegal to de-claw a cat. It's considered animal cruelty. I'd go to jail if I treated my cats the way you treat yours. And you say it so casually too. No cat should have to live their life with someone who can't accept cats as they are.

My idea to do this story comes from a lot of people avoiding taking in another cat with the excuse their resident cat's wouldn't accept a new cat. I think this article is proving multicat households can get along just fine.

I hope this story convinces a lot of people to take in just one more cat off of the euthanasia list or out of a shelter.

Siouxsie (the physically smallest) rules the house with a tiny voice, soft paw, & full authority. She's also the oldest @ 5.5 & has been here longest. Next in line is Luna, although Ayla might disagree- these 2 are around the same age & both are generally laid back although they have tussles over our attention. They take turns starting it too. The Rumble Boys, Finn & Jonny, seem content to being buddies however Finn tends to lead. Jonny is about 4 mo younger. Sioux & Finn cuddle together regularly, Finn likes bathing efurryone else & they seem to enjoy it unless he woke them to do so. With the arrival of a newbie, they are in Q for @ least a week & over the next week are transitioned to living full-time with the rest. Sure, there's some growling & hissing @ 1st however with gentle reminders (& group play followed by group treat hunts) they seem to just go about their business

I just went there and I LOVE Layla's site. The cat section is a bit like what I do with furbythecat.shutterfly.com. I upload a lot of pics and tell a lot of stories.

I can't wait to check out more of this site. It's under The Boomer Muse.

I'm at work for four hours and think I'll work on my ebook. Before I left Mister Tom and Gizzy had a growling/rowroo argument. Tom is the only one who stands up to her. No fighting, just lots of vocals.

After adopting a front-declawed, 14-yr.-old Maine Coon who'd been in one home all his life, it has been a long, slow adjustment for the rest of the (cat) family and for him, as he's been an "only cat" since kittenhood. There are still occasional spats 2 years down the road, and he definitely has dominance "issues"; but all in all, he has adjusted amazingly well. He hasn't really got a steady pal, but our most loving and concerned little lady has taken to him and washes him from time to time; he seems to like this. He intimidates some of the others and they give him a wide berth. The rest are neutral, as he is toward them. I'm the one he really loves, so at least he has someone he bonds with and trusts.

Though I think I'm pretty savvy as to the behavior of domestic cats, they some how always get great joy in showing me how little savvy I really am. Between the many feline family members I've had and the fosters I've fostered, I don't really think I can answer your question with any confidence. The greatest friendship among my kits was between an adopted handsome red/white male and an adorable adopted Siamese mix female. They were real pals, sharing window perches, bed space and affectionate exchanges. They looked nothing alike and their behaviors were in two opposite extremes. Maybe it was about hierarchy. Thanny (the Siamese mix female) was already here when Rocky (The red/white male)entered the household as a kitten. She was over a year old and he was under a year old. He was the only male in a household of two females kits. My other female was an adopted full Siamese who was less inclined to accept Rocky as part of the family. Then an adopted Tuxedo female (Matilda) was taken in followed by an adopted petite puff ball of a white Persian (Alexis). And as much as Alexis wanted to be part of the duet of Rocky and Thanny, Rocky rudely shooed her away. Why this all worked its way out this way is rather a puzzle.

Hey Elisa 🙂
This is a good question.
I have 5 cats, 3 males & 2 female, all fixed & fronts declaw (it's a must). I am not sure how they pick their buddies, but all mine get along, sometimes :).. i sometimes have to break up a
disagreement between my 2 male, but everyone gets along. I have a 15yr old femal that lets anyone but 1 male (george) know to leave her alone. George is the only one she gets along with. George is my Lover boy & sometime the other boys pick on him, but they are getting better with each other, it takes time i guess. My younger female is a fiesty little thing, she dont put up with anything from any of the boys. Sometimes she gets bored, i guess, & will tease the boys & then runs. But they all get along. I'm guessing that it is the personallity & when you introduce them as to how they'll get along. I am not sure why some get along & some don't but, i am Lucky to have the 5 i have & they do all get along & all sleep together. All my cats talk, when they want something they will come to me & let me know that they can see the bottom of their bowls :).. it's pittiefull :).. they think if they can see just alittle bit of the bottom of the food bowl, i need to fill it. if they want outside on the porch or if they want to just talk. I'm sure what they are saying but, I wish I could understand them. I have one that will sit and meow at me while i'm taking a bath, he doesn't want in, he just talks to me. I have 5 cats, 3 dogs & a bird, & they all get along. I belive all animals have a 6 sense, that they know that they are loved, safe & have a person that will take care.
Does this help?

Cats are as complicated as humans when it comes to friendship. To smooth things over I use Feliway (the plugin pheromone)to introduce new cats to each other. I thought My 16-year Siamese boy would never be friends with anyone after his sister died but he loves his two new kitty pals and photo evidence is at my blog every Saturday at the Boomer Muse.

here's my thoughts.they pick on behavior,body language,needs and wants.I have had several declawed kitties and not notice anything different verses cats with claws.with the exception of climbing up something like a tree or high cat perch without the assistance of a ladder.

Lola was an 8 month old orphan we'd adopted at 12 weeks. Furby was tiny. Lola ate with Furby and raised him. Now they're both grown and we have all the other cats but Furby and Lola still stick together as mother and son. And usually Lucky (Mia's son) is with them. We're just glad the cats adjust to each other. I try not to change their routines too much. The only changes from the two cat home to the sanctuary is the addition of an extra feeding spot and the addition of 2 more litter boxes.

Our first female cat (Fly) was a single cat until we decided to adopt our kitten (Sly). When Fly saw Sly (8 weeks old), she hissed and ran away, mad. A few minutes later, little Sly let out a tiny "mew". Fly heard Sly and her mother instinct kicked in. She wandered out back into the living room and saw Sly as a kitten in need, who needed a mother's love. She licked Sly and looked after him until he became an adult cat. Now, they are best of friends and chase each other around the house (at night, of course)!

Furby knows I love him the most and he always points that out to the other cats. He has dinner plate rights and bed rights and head rub rights.

I've put a lot of feelers out for this article. I also want to hear from declawed cat owners to find out if the declawed cat socialize any differently.

I get the feeling this article will become a case study for cat to cat behavior. There are plenty of book on cat-owner bond but little on the cat to cat.

I love your question, Elisa. I'll be honest I've not thought about it before but I've had lots of cats and have 5 at the moment. One just turned 20 and he has been here for most of the adoptions. I lost three in three years that was tough and got Kismet at the shelter as Karma was alone. Those two were buddies within twentyfour hours. Not cuddle buddies, Karma has never been a snuggler with other cats but friends and able to get along easily. Kismet is the same way. The love the company of cats.. but adore attention from people. Sadari joined us this summer. For a black cat she has "tortitude" but thankfully a forgiving nature. She likes to instigate trouble a nudge here, a whisker twitch there.. just to see how everyone reacts.
Indy and Libby are the newest. Neighbors abandoned them and they hang out together and also love people but aren't snuggly with the other cats, though they do snuggle together.
If Indy (generally ) starts something with Kismet or Karma, Sadari intervenes.. I think it was Elisa who mentioned family that you don't always want to be around all the time. That's what I see with my kids. They love each other mostly.. adore the humans who love and feed them.. and have their family squabbles just like we do. I can almost hear Sadari saying.. "Mom loves me best.. mom loves me best" just to get a rise out of Kismet!
I think cats are more human than we give them credit for and feline enough to have better natures than we do.. for despite everything they still love us!
Ok... my turn to ramble.. sorry.. 🙂

Cats seem to form bonds based on a mixture of body language and empathy. They may form sub-clans and as long as they don't come into permanent conflict, all should be well. Some days our 3 kitties are one pack, sometimes they have individual days and settle down into three separate rooms. As long as they're happy, we're happy. Good grief, some days they're like children...

I may not be an expert in cat psychology but I think I have a pretty good case study going on here. Right now I'm watching a movie before work. I have Sheela in my lap, Shirley beside me, Mandy and Sammy on the middle couch cushion and Tom and Cassie are in Laura's lap. Mia is in her chair and Lily has come out of the bedroom. Maybe Lily will decide she likes it here after all. I don't know where Gizzy went. She allowed me to pet her head then she jumped down. Guess she's planning her next terror attack on the cats. I don't see Furby and Lola but I heard a noise back in the laundry area so they're likely up there asleep. Lucky is probably up there with them since I don't see him either.

I just think it very unusual there's so little about cats choosing their friends on the internet. This discussion we're having on this article may be the closest we'll come to learning about peer behavior between cats. So lets keep the comments coming on this one.

I currently have 4 cats and 1 foster (turning into a permanent) First, I have Budd and Ginger (littermates) almost 5 years old. Then I have Jack and Malia (littermates) almost 2 years old. Then I have Nugget(female foster, 5 months) one from my stray/feral colony, who was injured when attacked by a neighbors dog. All of my cats are rescues. Budd is the Alpha male, black, and our familiar. He gaurds all of us. He takes care of the whole family, fosters included. Ginger is a tortie... 'Nuff said? She is the ALPHA, period. She has the attitude indigenous to all torties/calicos. "Tortitude," if you will. She will "allow" Budd to groom her head for a few seconds and that's all the interacion she will allow with the entire cat family. She is the only one allowed to live/breathe, get on Mom's lap, sleep on the bed, eat,...etc. Malia is our shy baby. She is mild mannered and doesn't mind anyone else, except Ginger. Jack is everyones brother. He takes care of all the fosters, right off the bat. They are his babies. Budd still puts him in his place once in a while, but they get on well enough. There is a lot of love in my home. Even between the cats, with the exception of Miss Tortitude.
I have no idea why, except I am reminded of my own siblings. I have 7 big brothers and I love them dearly. However, I only enjoy a few of them in very small doses...

I just think cats are like people in that some people you meet you take a dislike to and some you love forever!. Cats are the same; some cats they like and some cats they don't!

Perhaps like us they have some sort of social etiquette. Maybe though we just don't see it! Perhaps a new cat may have awful table manners or bad litter etiquette! Some of the other cats may think 'oh how common! have you seen what he just did!'

You can get a cat that loves every other cat that crosses their path and then at the other end of the scale you can get a cat that hates every cat it meets! Just like you get grumpy humans who do nothing but complain and hate everyone!

We've had cats like this and we've had those that have just been indifferent!

Hi Elisa. I don't think the question has been asked before never mind answered! I have never seen an article on this subject. And like you I have read lots. Nor have I thought about it.

So we have to go back to basics and guess a bit or a lot. Here is a ramble with no answers...

Two methods come to mind, (1) Domestic cats at heart are wildcats. They have wildcat drives and mentalities at core and (2) Cats are mammals with feelings, emotions and characters although we don't know how well developed they are. We are not that different in some ways. Some cats will be better socialised and more able get along with others be they people or cats or dogs etc.

Cats are essentially solitary so forming cat colonies is an adaptation. You have a cat colony.

I think it is a question of the cat's character (as born - genetics), socialisation (experiences in first 7 weeks of life) and then pure preferences.

Gizzy seems to have a socialisation problem for example.

Common sense says that cats have preferences for other cats like humans have for humans set against the other factors mentioned above.

Perhaps the answer is to look at ourselves and decide how we like or dislike someone. That is a complicated subject.

It would be interesting to know if a cat had a preference for a certain appearance in another cat - like we fancy the look of a certain person of the opposite sex. I am sure scent plays a part as cats rely heavily on their sense of smell.

I am rambling and getting nowhere....! Help someone...