I grieved for my cat more than for my father or mother

The man who features first in this video oozes love for his cat who has passed away. It is a magnificently dedicated and true love. It is unconditional love – both ways. That is the beauty of “pet love”. It ain’t tricky or slippery. It isn’t undermined by shady human behavior. It is there, in front of you. It is utterly reliable.

A lot of people who understand the value of companion animal friendship can totally empathize with what these people say. I certainly can. My grief over the loss my cats Missie and Binnie is far deeper than my grief at the passing of my father or mother. That speaks volumes doesn’t it?

A lot of people won’t understand that. Not at all. How can a person love a cat more than their father and mother? Easy, really.

The video is an extract from an American award winning first feature documentary by Amy Finkel. It has won multiple awards on the festival circuit.

The film explores pet death and grief, looking at the incredible ways in which people honor their animals. Amy combines a journalist’s thoroughness focusing on the psychology, hormonal responses and commemorations with great sympathy for life’s big themes.

Some of the ways people in the States have maintained a connection with their deceased animal companions are:

  • tattooing a pet’s remains into yourself! – too extreme for me
  • keeping your cat’s last poo
  • freeze drying your pet
  • turning you cat’s ashes into a jewel to wear

To some Europeans these might seem a bit extreme but the sentiment is the same anywhere: the deep love which true cat and dog caretakers have which endures beyond the death of the animal. They can’t bear the passing of their animal companion and because of the dramatically different lifespans almost all companion animal caretakers have to suffer the emotional anguish of loss.

If a visitor in America can tell me how to get hold of a DVD of this film I’d be grateful. Or you can write about it yourself and I’ll publish it on this website.

Please search using the search box at the top of the site. You are bound to find what you are looking for.

Useful tag. Click to see the articles: Cat behavior

22 thoughts on “I grieved for my cat more than for my father or mother”

  1. Yes i talk to all my Kitties. I also did the Same with Cassy and Tammy. I always felt like they understand what I was saying. Its always so hard saying goodbye. Even when you have had many Cats, Sometimes it will be that One Cat that made it so SPecial. I totally understand how that man felt. As a Animal takes a big part of your heart. Especially when you have gone though a hard time, that Cat or Dog is always there with unconditional Love. It can take a long time to Get Over. I think its important to have Rituals while Grieving. As it really does help you. Like I have this special solar Light that changes at night time to different colours it has some Cats on it. I guess there are those of us, Who put our Cats ahead of Family/friends I would certainly do this as they mean so much. They really are just like our Child or Family Members.

  2. Michael i have kept my 22 year old Alexandrine parakeet “Mittoo” alive in my house through “Taxidermy”.Have just returned from a memorable holiday from Indonesia and was sad to note the passing away of my hose-keeper Sabina’s brother during my absence. She looks after my two cats in my absence and now i hope i don’t lose my 7 year old cat “Matahari” as she has some swelling below her jaw. She resembles a “Bearded female cat ! Other wise she is normal and hence i am avoiding a vet visit which could complicate matters.I presume its a tooth swelling as otherwise she is completely normal.My computer has broken down and hence have to visit a cybercafe and also cannot upload photo’s.As regarding some people loving their pets more than their fellow humans does not make them misfits or sociopaths.Don’t some people leave their entire fortune to their pets or animal welfare ?

    1. Ruth aka Kattaddorra

      Rudolph if the swelling came up suddenly it sounds to me as if Matahari has an abscess. It will eventually burst of its own accord but it will be painful to her now and she will need antibiotics. A vet would make a slit and ensure all the pus came out and the wound thoroughly cleaned, because if not it may fill up again. If she is off her food you need to get her to a vet quickly.

      1. Thanks Ruth, you were right and as i had suspected. Matahari had a “ABSCESS” which burst yesterday(11-9-2014) and her face looks normal and she has returned to her normal behaviour.

    2. Great to hear from you again, Rudolph. I am pleased you had a nice trip. Sorry to hear about Matahari. My Charlie is ill too. He has the symptoms of a bad cold. It is distressing to see him like this. It is either feline herpes or calicivirus or some sort of nasal condition perhaps cancer or polyps (growths). We don’t know. The vets haven’t really diagnosed it which is worrying.

      The people I see who love their cats deeply and more than their parents are often excellent people. It is the people who love people but who dislike or even hate cats who are more likely to be bad.

      1. Tiger has started what sounds like a cold, am keeping an eye on it. As dont really feel like going to the Vet. He just sounded snuffly. Or sneezing.

      2. Michael hope “Charlie” gets well soon. Matahari had a “ABSCESS” which burst yesterday(11-9-2014) and her face looks normal and she has returned to her normal behaviour.Years with pets have made me diagonize certain sicknesses preventing “Vet Intervention”.Pets are non-judgmental and the ultimate solace in times of depression or distress according to my opinion.

  3. Ruth aka Kattaddorra

    I don’t think grief can be measured, I have lost many loved ones, family and pets and have grieved long and hard for each and every one of them and my heart fills up with sadness quite often over each of them. It doesn’t take anything from a human we have lost to love an animal as much and to grieve for them when they die, they are family just the same. Time helps us accept that we will never see them again (unless we believe in Heaven) and we know our life has to go on without them, so what choice do we have?

      1. Isnt a SocialPath something completly different. To what he described? I would of thought he would go and get a Life than bothering people around here.

    1. Ruth aka Kattaddorra

      One thing for sure Woody, no one will grieve for you when you die, you are such a pathetic excuse for a human being.

  4. How powerful! It is so true. When i lost my first cat to cancer back in August 2012, i thought i would have a breakdown. Then my home caught fire and killed my other companion cat Joey on Sept. 2012. Its something hard to overcome!!! I’m no stranger to pain and being strong enough to face some days is unbearable. Not just with the loss, but with life in general. Cause when you lose your friends, nothing else seems to matter some days. I still go to a Pet Loss Group. It helps being around others that understand the grief and pain. There is one lady in the group that has had a hard time of letting go of her cat who died 7 years ago. She keeps the cat in a freezer in her basement because she can’t bear to say goodbye.

  5. This man is, clearly, heartbroken as many of us have experienced. He says that he had an 18 year long love relationship with Boomer. As we all feel, it’s never enough.

    “There were many dark days that he kept me in the world”. How true is that for a lot of people?

    The film also says that about 62% of people talk to their pets. I, actually, find that to be a low number. How else would our cats learn their names if we didn’t converse with them over and over? I talk constantly here and, even my daughter asked me one time if I knew how much I talked to the cats. Ofcourse, I know. They are a constant in my life. We are always together. People are just transients.

    1. It is true with me
      Dark days in my life are never felt as burden in the company of my kittens and cats. Something is super natural or instinctively mentioned as LOVE in these creatures of Allah Subhanahu, they just share the pain of us, they heal us.

      They are the best companions of lifetime. Love them and really can understand the deep pain of this man. sorry for that loss buddy 🙁

      1. I know exactly what you mean. Cats have such special abilities esp when times of Sadness. They can pick up when we Happy and Sad. 🙂

  6. After reading the above and of course understanding the great loss I can’t help but ask……how do you know it’s the last poo?

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