Perhaps in France grieving over the passing of a loved pet is a societal taboo and in which case the writer for Le Monde is correct but I don’t think he is. I think he/she is out of date in their thinking. They were writing about a gym teacher’s elegy in a novel which has gone viral selling more than 150,000 copies.
Ubac and Cédric Sapin-Defour
The gym teacher’s name is Cédric Sapin-Defour and he has written a book celebrating the times when he had the pleasure of living with his dog Ubac, a Bernese Mountain dog.
It took him several years to come to terms with his loss before he decided to put pen to paper. He didn’t lament Ubac’s passing but celebrated 13 good years together as he had adopted him from a breeder as a puppy. When asked by Peter Conradi, the Sunday Times journalist, what he missed most about Ubac, his answer was, “The joy”.
“Not just happiness, but joy, a kind of explosion of delight, something sparkling you have with a dog. And also the complete lack of discipline”.
Cédric Sapun-Defour
As I said, his book, entitled: Son odeur après la pluie (His Smell after the Rain) is a celebration of Ubac’s life. I guess that the title is based upon those moments when Ubac’s scent smelled particularly strong when his coat became wet in the rain. He can remember it and all the other memories come flooding back to him, making him smile.
The book has made him a literary sensation but Le Monde’s idea is outmoded or in the French language passé.
Passé means passed and, in the past, it might have been a taboo to grieve the loss of your pet in a culture perhaps where either stoicism and the suppression of emotions were valued and/or pets are or were considered as property or working animals rather than valued companions. Pets are still legally ‘property’ but the law is outdated too. They are much more.
RELATED: I grieved for my cat more than for my father or mother
No longer a taboo topic
Nowadays, certainly in developed countries, I think you will find that almost a hundred percent of dog owners would agree that their dog companion is a valued member of the family treated equally with the human members of the family. And therefore, on their passing there is an equal amount of grieving and I would argue more so sometimes.
There are many people who grieved the loss of their cat or dog much more than they grieved the loss of their parents or siblings. It doesn’t always apply but it will on a substantial number of occasions. That’s how things have changed.
In the past and in developing countries it might be fair to say that dogs are more commonly used as working animals and in some Asian countries there is a reluctance to see them are sentient beings. For instance, in South Korea 2 million dogs are farmed like livestock where they are slaughtered by electrocution. The country plans to phase out dog meat. China is worse with many millions of dogs farmed, stolen and slaughtered brutally for their flesh and where superstition encourages people to eat dog for spurious health reasons. Quite a difference to how people relate to companion dogs in developed countries.
RELATED: Should businesses allow their employees to take time off to grieve the death of their cat or dog?
Asia
And in China, dogs are more functional or utilitarian. I’m generalising which is probably wrong because there will be many people who have the same kind of relationship with their dog companion as people in Western countries but Ai Weiwei, the Chinese contemporary artist tells us that dogs in China have to earn their living either by being working dogs or being eaten after being killed (not euthanasia I hasten to add). A different approach entirely and not one which will engender grieving on their passing. That’s the cultural aspect of grieving. It does vary tremendously across different nations.
‘Rules’ of grieving
You cannot fix or cure grief in some magical way. There is no right and wrong way to grieve and there is no timetable. It is an individual process and sometimes it can last for a lifetime.
You will see many thousands of stories on the Internet written by people still grieving the loss of their cat or dog companion after many years. They are very touching and a testament to the very strong bonds that can be formed between animal companion and human caregiver.
Historical context
I think you could go back as far as 2,000 years ago in Britain when the domestic cat was first introduced into that country and find people who had a very close bond with their cat to the point where they would grieve. The earliest known pet cat unearthed in Cyrpus was buried with their owner. I suspect that the owner grieved the passing of their pet if he outlived his cat companion which would have been a tamed European or North African wildcat.
So, we can’t say that in the ancient past grieving the passing of a pet was taboo. It would have been more likely to have been taboo thousands of years ago but it depends upon the individual as well as the umbrella culture of where they live.
Enlightenment
But certainly, now there is an enlightenment which is growing. The trend is very much towards regarding dogs and cats are sentient beings and the companionship is precious. It’s outmoded to think that grieving their loss is taboo because it certainly isn’t.
RELATED: Grieving teen fired after the death of her dog. You’ll never believe the reason.
P.S.
I have to mention that grieving works in both directions. You will find instances of cats grieving the loss of a cat companion. You will find instances of dogs grieving the the passing of their owner. Cats and dogs can grieve. They have emotions. They are sentient.
RELATED: Cat Grief
