HomeHuman to cat relationship“My cat hates me. I don’t know why.”


“My cat hates me. I don’t know why.” — 8 Comments

  1. Good article and true that cats don’t hate people as it’s a human emotion.
    Too many people don’t understand cats at all and it’s sad that cats suffer because of that ignorance.

  2. Nice article, Michael. I thought, by the title, that it was sort of a joke because I don’t believe that cats have the ability to hate. I would be a very unhappy feral caretaker if I interpreted their behaviors as hatred.

    As you point out, there are many reasons that we may feel a cat isn’t warming up to us. I think distrust is the most common. We don’t have to know the ins and outs of how that came to be; we need to examine our own behaviors to assure that we are not a cause, keep our behaviors in check, and give it time. As in the pic, gentleness, kindness, and patience are the keys. And, like Ruth AKA, I think we need to keep our expectations realistic.

    • Thanks Dee. I sometimes take what people state on the internet in forums etc. and use it as the title for the article. It sets the scene and hopefully when people type in the title Google finds the page. That’s the plan!

  3. Very good article Michael. I’d just add that I think when someone loses a much loved cat and adopts another quite quickly, they expect too much of the new cat. It’s a mistake to bring a new cat home before properly grieving for the one you have lost, it’s not fair on that cat.
    I hate it when I read someone being advised to get another cat immediately to help ‘get over’ losing one, because all cats are different and don’t deserve to be compared to other cats, or used as a comforter.
    Cats don’t hate, there is always a reason if they seem unfriendly, time and patience can make a big difference and not expecting too much of the new cat.

    • Good point about bring a new cat too soon. It is about people expectations and a person won’t be able to replace the love they generated over years in a few weeks.

    • I would want to get a new cat right away because so many are sitting in shelters waiting and even dying before anyone adopts them. But I wouldn’t expect the new cat to be a replacement for a previous cat. Every cat is different. It would be more about the cat than about me. Who can I help now? I’m allowed only one cat at a time by my husband. I hope Monty lives to be 100 in cat years (or more) but if not I would want to help another cat as soon as possible. If it’s about the cat and not about you, you aren’t saying, “My cat hates me.”

      It’s like with teaching. One of our administrators lead an inservice this summer and she said if you are in teaching because you love kids, get out right now. Because if that’s what you are saying, then you really want them to love you back. So one day in class when a twelve year old girl is having some problems at home or just got her period or whatever and yells at you, “Bitch!” then you won’t like teaching anymore. You won’t be able to love back when you aren’t getting loving behavior from them. You have to be in it because you want to help, because you care, because you want a better education for them– whatever the reason. But if you are in it to love and be loved, forget it.

      Maybe it’s like that in cat caretaking. You have to be in it for the cat, it has to be all about the cat and what you can do for him. If it’s about your feelings, wanting to love and be loved, that’s not always going to happen. It will always be on the cat’s terms, and you have to be ok with that.

      • But I wouldn’t expect the new cat to be a replacement for a previous cat.

        A nice refinement on the concept. I agree it is about us and how we approach cat caretaking. The wise cat caretaker refers to himself rather than the cat if there is a relationship problem.

      • Sadly everyone isn’t as sensible as you are Ruth, or as sensitive, some people pour their grief onto a new cat and expect the cat to comfort them.
        It’s wrong to get a cat for your own sake and not for the cat’s sake.

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