Some Advice on Surgically Improving Your Cat

Some Advice on Surgically Improving Your Cat

by Finn Frode
(Copenhagen, Denmark)

Hands off my claws!

Until September 7th I will give 10 cents to an animal charity for every comment. It is a way to help animal welfare without much effort at no cost. Comments help this website too, which is about animal welfare.

Hands off my claws!

As others have already pointed out declawing might cause your cat to bite instead. So of course now you must have your cat's teeth removed - and not just the fangs, but all of them just to make sure. Your vet will probably offer a fair discount on the lot...

Most likely your cat will now be in a state of mental conflict. Not quite sure what to do, it constantly wags it's tail. That's easily solved - just have the tail surgically removed. Manx cats are born that way, so what's the problem?

If by now your cat flattens it's ears whenever it sees you, it's just a defensive signal that it no longer trusts you. Have them removed and you won't have to be reminded at all times about how the cat feels.

Have the vocal folds clipped as well and you won't have to listen to that constant meowing that gets to your nerves. And get rid of those silly whiskers as they serve no other purpose than alerting the cat that you're about to grab it.

The declawing has not completely crippled the cat, so it will still be able to desperately run away whenever it sees you. You can now choose between restricting it with a short chain available for a few bucks at the pet shop - or spend thousands of dollars on having the cat's legs removed altogether. Ask your vet and I'm sure he'll recommend the latter option.

Now that you cat has become totally immobile and cannot exercise, it will soon need costly obesity surgery. And then there's a slight problem with the waste products... Keeping the cat in the litter tray at all times is not the answer, as this doesn't present the cat in an attractive way when visitors come by.

Instead take the final step and have the cat euthanized and then taxidermied. The stuffed cat will look very neat in your sofa and you can choose any colour you like. And after all you're no good with live cats. You already showed that when you had it declawed.

Am I kidding? No I'm crying when I think of the declawing that far too many cats are the still victims of.


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Some Advice on Surgically Improving Your Cat

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Nov 17, 2009 Still a long way to go
by: Finn Frode, denmark

Thanks, Everycat - those suggestions would surely solve the waste problems. I actually meant to surgically remove parts until nothing was left of the cat, but I got so saddened on the way that I had to cut the story short. Glad you liked it anyhow. 😉
And Michelle - I agree with everything you say. It seems to me the consumer culture has led some people to their pets as mere things, passing fads they can trash when something new comes along.
The fact that declawing is illegal in most of Europe, should however not make us feel too happy about ourselves. There are many other animal issues that have been left unsolved, because it's easier for us to close our eyes. I'm no vegetarian, but the way modern farming treats the animals we eat makes me sick. We still have a long way to go.

Nov 17, 2009 Finn
by: Michael

Thanks Gail. Did you know Finn is Danish and living in Denmark? He writes fantastic English. We are a band of brothers and sisters who hate the wrong perpetrated on cats and other animals. I love your passion.

Nov 17, 2009 Fabulous Article Finn!
by: Gail (Boston, MA USA)

Your article was very well versed and the feedback to it equally amazing. I cannot disagree with anything anyone here has said about declawing and other surgically-enhanced measures. It is a disgraceful legacy here in the U.S. There is a groundswell, however, to change humane laws here but, like anything else, it will take time and education.

My beautiful tortie, Sadie, had 3 previous companions before she chose me. She has been a joy, claws and all, for the past 10+ years. So we've got the occasional scratched furniture here and's called living and we wouldn't change a thing!

Thank you, everyone, for your insight and thanks to Michael for such an insightful, wonderful site.

Nov 17, 2009 Surgereeeee Surger-raaaah!
by: Everycat

Nice article Finn, highlights the brutal quick-fix, selfish, vain mentality of those who cannot accept that an animal with claws needs them to defend itself against idiots who don't show it respect.

You forgot a few procedures that would assist these idiots -

Oral Trochtomy - cuts the nerves that allow a sense of smell. Will stop kitty smelling the stench of corrupted morals (as owned by unethical owners and vets who do routine declaws)

Colostomy: Puts and end to those troublesome litter tray cleaning duties. Just unclip the bag and toss it in the trash.

Urinary Catheter: Again, just unclip the bag, toss in trash, affix a new bag.

To Anonymous: I am so sorry that your poor kitten met such a brutal end at the hands of that unethical vet. Thank you for sharing what happened with us.

I hope you have managed to find another vet who refuses to carry out routine declaws. Refusing to patronise pro-declaw vets is another way to end this barbaric practice.

Nov 17, 2009 Well Said
by: Anonymous

Well said Michele. I whole heartedly agree. Some people who keep cats should not. They refer to "owning" them and have a distorted view that they can do as they please with them. The same attitude is demonstrated by some breeders to the detriment of the cat breed's health (flat faced Persian being one example).

Nov 17, 2009 Cats are perfect just the way mother nature designed them
by: Anonymous

Good article, and I agree with everything you wrote. I don't approve of the way breeders in the U.S. have also drastically altered the physical features of some breeds either. I much prefer the look of the traditional or doll faced Persian than the punched-in,flat face favoured in the U.S.

It's hardly a secret that cats come with claws, so why people choose to have a cat and then pay a vet to mutilate it's feet is beyond my comprehension.

In the U.S. there seems to be a misunderstanding of the term "domesticated" where cats are concerned. Too many people seem to think that this means the cat has not retained any of it's natural instincts or behaviours. I wish there were some kind of aptitude test that people were made to take before they are allowed to adopt cats, to prevent people who're looking for an interactive "toy" from adopting them.

Thank goodness in Europe we have a more respectful and compassionate attitude towards pets and have outlawed cruel practises such as declawing, ear cropping, devocalisation and de-fanging.

Michele (UK)

Nov 17, 2009 Well said Finn
by: Ruth aka Kattaddorra

The horrible truth is that some people would be happier with a stuffed cat,so why on earth do they get a real live healthy creature if they don't iike it as Nature made it ? I can never understand that !
Cats come with claws, they need claws, we sane people know that don't we ?
Your article may seem far fetched to some but what's the betting some Vets would do all this surgery to top up their bank balance ! They are trained to help animals, not to harm them, yet they agree to amputate toe ends/claws which are very essential parts of cats, so I for one don't think your article is far fetched.
It's very frighteningly realistic !

Nov 17, 2009 Cats usually no more than hiss
by: Finn Frode, Denmark

Hi Dorothy. Thank you for your kind words. I very well remember your Big Foot, who is a prime example of the cat choosing the humans. An old boy like him knows how to behave well and appreciates when humans treat him with loving care. Hope he has learned to accept your dog as well? Send him my love.
The picture shows old Milly at her most impressive. She has been 'First Cat of the House' for years and has no intention of abdicating for any other cat. Actually her weight is only half that of our moggie Snow White, but with her mane fully puffed and her tail flagging Milly looks about the same.
Most of the time they get on well, but sometimes Milly feels she has to pull her rank. Both cats however accepts the rules of the game - no claws and no teeth allowed, only hissing.
To my experience cats do not scratch or bite unless they feel cornered or threatened. This makes good sense, because in the wild getting a wound is serious and not worth risking. The one exception is of course male cats fighting for females - in that case the passing on of genes overrules everything else. And even that situation will be settled peacefully, if the rank of the residing male is not questioned by other males.

Nov 16, 2009 Nicely put Finn
by: Dorothy

And, I love the picture you put here. It reminds me of my Bigfoot, my 'rough boy' as you so aptly put it several months ago.

I tell people that Bigfoot is teaching me how to pet him. And he has taught me well. I haven't had a scratch or bite in weeks. He came to me probably already 5 years old, and it seems he wasn't handled very nicely, which is probably why he found me to take care of him. He is so sweet and gentle (except when not)and I couldn't dream of doing anything that would change a hair on his lovely body. He's beautiful. I probably could have gotten a quantity discount on declawing, as he has seven toes on each front foot (I think, he really doesn't want me to count).

I appreciate the well written submissions on this website. It is a wonderful education for folks. I've learned so much. I always enjoy your input.


Nov 16, 2009 One more comment
by: Anonymous

Recently I gave a beautiful show quality kitten to my Vet, thinking since he had an interest in these cats , the kitten would have a wonderful home.
A few weeks later I received a phone call from my vet, and as soon as I heard his voice I knew this was not going to be a pleasant phone call.
It seems he had declawed the kittens front claws the week before, and just that day was in the process of declawing the hind claws, when the kitten suddenly died on the table.
I wrote earlier today about my beautiful Himmy, "Juliet" who was killed by three German Shephards, because I had her declawed in the 1980'S before I knew the facts about declawing.
No piece of furniture is worth the life, or well being of our beautiful cats. Please if you feel you must declaw your cat, find it a suitable home and look for a pet that more closely fits your lifestyle. We must stop mutilating these wonderful beings and see them for the delightful additions to our family that they are.

Nov 16, 2009 Great article
by: Michael

Thanks Finn for a great submission. It highlights the idiocy of declawing.

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