Dee has once again inspired me to write another article on Woody, our resident troll. We even sent him off to the Bermuda Triangle thinking that would be the last we ever heard of him, but unfortunately he escaped to return to PoC with his rants about cats and cat lovers.

Poster by Ruth aka Kattaddorra

Dee wrote:

‘I’m thinking along the lines of a large secure, soundproof, steel enclosure where we can administer shock therapy to him. He badly needs his brain scrambled and unscrambled’

What a good idea, but maybe we should try a gentler approach first!

I thought I’d have a bit of fun designing a poster about this because I’ve only written serious stuff lately and it can get very depressing.

So, imagine if we put out a poster offering a reward for Woody’s capture and when we got him, we strapped him down and we all stood around him and chanted:

‘I LOVE CATS’

…and then made him repeat it himself over and over again until he really believed it. He might need quite a lot of therapy sessions but wouldn’t it be good if at the end of them he make a declaration that he loves cats and cat lovers and cat websites. How I’d love to see him surrounded by cats loving them rather than wanting them dead.

We could patent the therapy if it worked and use it on all cat haters. People would no longer chase them away, shoot them, or ill treat them in any way at all. Every home would have a cat and there would be no more Kill Shelters because people would be queuing up to adopt a cat the moment someone relinquished one. No one would make up a flimsy excuse to get rid of their cat.

No cat would be declawed because we could take our therapy further and have every declawing vet in for therapy, repeating:

‘I will never ever declaw a cat again’

Seriously though I don’t understand why some people hate cats, innocent animals who didn’t choose to be born as cats, who only want to live their lives as other species want to live theirs, as we human beings want to live ours.

Why does hatred exist? Why do people like Woody try to convince others that they know best and that we should all hate cats like they do?

Why can’t everyone live and let live?

Ruth aka Kattaddorra

Please comment here using either Facebook or WordPress (when available).
Michael Broad

Hi, I'm a 71-year-old retired solicitor (attorney in the US). Before qualifying I worked in many jobs including professional photography. I have a girlfriend, Michelle. I love nature, cats and all animals. I am concerned about their welfare.

View Comments

  • Wow. Morons much? You're just guaranteeing that more cats get shot to death. LOL But then, that's to be expected of idiots with the values of 5-year-olds. BANG, there goes another one! How does it feel to be just as insignificant as your vermin invasive-species cats? Pretty sad I bet.

    • Maybe, just maybe... We could recreate his neural pathways with artificial constructs made of paper, origami [bear with me] and of the simplest design, because that is where we begin. And maybe, eventually, with patience, practice, and love, we will all learn?

      What do YOU think, anon. I think that either you expose yourself or lose your identity.

    • Oh Woody you are so funny, you should be on the stage! Do you honestly expect us to believe you have shot so many cats? Tell me one thing, how come there are so many cats still left and coming to you to be shot? Cats are highly intelligent and word would have got around the local cats long ago to avoid you, they are very particular about who they go near.
      Repeating that we are morons and 5 year olds is getting a bit boring, can't you think up any new insults?
      Anyway I'm gad to see you hadn't gone to bed for the night with the rest of the USA because it shows you are so scared of Kattaddorra Ghost you daren't close your eyes.

  • Awwww.... isn't that funny. another cat shot today just for you useless fucks. LOL So funny!

    • Ooooooooooo Woody did you name her Kattaddorra? I DO hope so and then the haunting can begin... every time you close your eyes be afraid, be VERY afraid!

        • Yes a bit of fun because I think it's all in his mind, a bit too convenient him finding another cat to kill so soon don't you think? lol

    • Why don't you like cats, dogs, humans, Woody? Because you were neglected as a child? Did your parents abuse you and not protect you? You know that many of us care about you, don't you? We do. Not any single one of us is deserving of abuse. I care. I do not care about hunting down another human, nor animal, to satisfy some deluded feeling of needing revenge. Do you? <3

      • Many of us were abused, too, and that is why we reached out in our hyper-vigilance (in my case, anyway), and bonded with common ground. Do you know that? Who are your companions?

        • My best protector was a German Shepherd named Henry. He saved my neck many times. He was the best companion. [He was my best friend for many years. He and Sputnik, my other furry friend who just happened to be a feline.]

          • You have had many companion animals by the sound of it. You're an animal lover. Do you dislike people?

          • Mr. Sputman just happened to be a cat, imagine... Henry Hippolyte Bayerd was my dog. MY dog. He was fully trained as a service dog and rescuer. I was at his side, he was at mine. We were attached at the hip. Henry carried Spodyody around in his mouth (that was horrendous to watch, but Sputty refused to complain) and on his back. When we went to bed, Sput and Henry had to sleep together. They were inseparable. Now. If a German Shep can love a longhaired Siamese/Persian THAT MUCH, why can't you, anonymous soul wood?

          • Do you know that back then, my dog was my constant companion, while Sputnik, my other rescue, was taking care of the rodent population in the background? [I grew up on a farm where animals were all treated the same, but I became attached to these two.] And then one day, as I watched my aunt get trampled to death by a wild, "piece" of livestock, a bull, the bits of grey matter woke up and I woke up...

  • I love you poster Ruth- they are always so amazing!

    As far as declawing is concerned- I don't get it! I think we need to strap all the vets in the USA down and make them chant for hours until they get dizzy. Give them a hypnotic drug so their chant reaches their subconscious. AND we can add a suggestion that every time they even THINK about declawing they will get so sick and violently ill- upchucking for hours on end (not deadly sick of course) they will never declaw a cat again. With all vets being put through this therapy- no one will ever be able to get a cat declawed again!

    That would be a wonderful world!!

  • I howled with laughing at this, another masterpiece, even the woodman himself couldn't resist commenting and *ping* went another $5 donation to cats courtesy of his ugly comment. Delicious irony what?

    Not sure how we're going to tame Woody and all his AKA's but I think removing the brain and replacing it with a large walnut might help, or even decapitation as already suggested and replacement with a white cabbage is worth consideration.

    In a teeny weeny way I feel sorry for Woody, Ugga et al because with such gall eating them away inside they must surely have some bad nights with acid indigestion and reflux, all that hatred broiling around inside must be eating those innards away, if only they would get themselves a bit of the milk of human kindness I'm sure they'd sleep better in their beds at night.

    • Poor Woody!
      He's fast running out of working body parts. His brain, gut and, ofcourse, the peepee all shot to hell! I think his poopoo will be next in line.

    • lol I laughed about a walnut or a white cabbage to replace his brain, but yes both would have more brain cells than he has lol
      He must go through dozens of packets of antacid tablets!

      • Your droll sense always keeps me/us rolling merrily along, Ruth. xo You are something else, in the darkness, you glow! [be careful, maybe is what I should say, we don't want some wanker? pulling his bowstring ;) ]

          • I was thinking that Woody is a bit of a Yank, which reminded me of Wank, and I have no idea if that is a proper term for a sheister that likes to yank/wank after feeling smug about leaving his trollopy mark on the web/internet. ;) I thought it would be fun to create a little video game of snarking "Woody." ??

    • I had to let Woody have his say this time. Just once. It sort of added to the page. Added a bit of spice to it like adding pepper and salt to a meal.

      • I'm glad you did Michael, I would have been disappointed if Woody hadn't appeared lol because he seems to enjoy us all having a laugh at his expense....crazy or what??? lol

  • Excellent poster although i don't have any idea of "Woody" since i am ignorant of English or American spoofs.

    • Thanks Rudolph, I think the troll Woody got his nickname from Michael ages ago when he first started ranting about his hatred of cats.
      He's just the insignificant serpent in our PoC Garden of Eden.

    • lol Whack-a-Mole sounds a bit violent, I like moles, but tell me how to play Whack-a-Woody and I'll join in that ;)

          • Such a handsome chap!
            It seems to me that, if we flip him on his wooden head and spin him for a while, it may redistribute the neurotransmitters in his brain.

          • LOL!
            I don't know, Caroline.
            What to do? What to do?
            I like your Wac-A-Mole idea, but Woody is a master at avoidance.

          • Let me just say this, Michael: There are plenty more like you, Woodsmug, so if you would like to NOT let Michael Broad interview you, then go play by yourself and hope that you don't get bitten by a spider while dehydrated...or something worse ;)

      • it's self-explan-a-tory. Wac-a-mole, or "Whack-a-mole" Here. let me just borrow an image... Ruth, you. ;)

          • I think I get it, the moles pop up out of the holes in the table and you have to whack them back down? lol sounds a bit daft though, so maybe not .....

          • Sorry, I borrowed that from google images, and still can't find the proper credit. ?
            Wac-a-Mole, if I recollect, was a game invented by Hasbro? [wikipoedia is where I should go; guessing.] It is addictive, so you ARE FOREWARNED! a simple game involving a "wood" mallet and some very cute moles w/huge eyes, of course ;) and sound effects, oh, and a "grassy" polyester mat with the moles loaded into the holes, which POP! out of the holes at random.

  • Ruth, could we keep this post up, and create a "win" with that big whammy stick, that bludgeon? so that every time it gets clicked on as a hotspot, a nickel is donated to Michael's PoC ? what do you think? -Cal

    • We should donate 5C to cat charities every time someone comes up with a good idea on how to reprogram Woody's poor brain.

Recent Posts

Domestic cat defends her kittens with extreme aggression and courage

BAGCILAR, ISTANBUL, TURKEY: This is a video taken from a television screen of a community…

7 hours ago

5 reasons why black cats are less likely to be adopted

Despite Cats Protection reporting that their campaign to promote black cats has been successful and…

13 hours ago

Prospect of water resources drying up affecting dog and cat food manufacturing in US

Water resources are under pressure and it will get worse. Globalisation is putting pressure on…

17 hours ago

Will driverless cars mean less cats killed on roads?

We're not sure how many cats are killed on roads in either the UK or…

19 hours ago

Do cats have nine lives?

Of course they don't. It's just a saying based on the fact that cats are…

19 hours ago

Feline mindfulness: staying in the present

John Gray, the philosopher, says that we should not live in "an imagined future". The…

20 hours ago