Woody Has Therapy
Dee has once again inspired me to write another article on Woody, our resident troll. We even sent him off to the Bermuda Triangle thinking that would be the last we ever heard of him, but unfortunately he escaped to return to PoC with his rants about cats and cat lovers.
Poster by Ruth aka Kattaddorra
Dee wrote:
‘I’m thinking along the lines of a large secure, soundproof, steel enclosure where we can administer shock therapy to him. He badly needs his brain scrambled and unscrambled’
What a good idea, but maybe we should try a gentler approach first!
I thought I’d have a bit of fun designing a poster about this because I’ve only written serious stuff lately and it can get very depressing.
| Useful links |
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| Anxiety - reduce it |
| FULL Maine Coon guide - lots of pages |
| Children and cats - important |
So, imagine if we put out a poster offering a reward for Woody’s capture and when we got him, we strapped him down and we all stood around him and chanted:
‘I LOVE CATS’
…and then made him repeat it himself over and over again until he really believed it. He might need quite a lot of therapy sessions but wouldn’t it be good if at the end of them he make a declaration that he loves cats and cat lovers and cat websites. How I’d love to see him surrounded by cats loving them rather than wanting them dead.
We could patent the therapy if it worked and use it on all cat haters. People would no longer chase them away, shoot them, or ill treat them in any way at all. Every home would have a cat and there would be no more Kill Shelters because people would be queuing up to adopt a cat the moment someone relinquished one. No one would make up a flimsy excuse to get rid of their cat.
No cat would be declawed because we could take our therapy further and have every declawing vet in for therapy, repeating:
‘I will never ever declaw a cat again’
Seriously though I don’t understand why some people hate cats, innocent animals who didn’t choose to be born as cats, who only want to live their lives as other species want to live theirs, as we human beings want to live ours.
Why does hatred exist? Why do people like Woody try to convince others that they know best and that we should all hate cats like they do?
Why can’t everyone live and let live?
Wow. Morons much? You’re just guaranteeing that more cats get shot to death. LOL But then, that’s to be expected of idiots with the values of 5-year-olds. BANG, there goes another one! How does it feel to be just as insignificant as your vermin invasive-species cats? Pretty sad I bet.
Hi Woody. Have a nice day! 😉
Oh Woody you are so funny, you should be on the stage! Do you honestly expect us to believe you have shot so many cats? Tell me one thing, how come there are so many cats still left and coming to you to be shot? Cats are highly intelligent and word would have got around the local cats long ago to avoid you, they are very particular about who they go near.
Repeating that we are morons and 5 year olds is getting a bit boring, can’t you think up any new insults?
Anyway I’m gad to see you hadn’t gone to bed for the night with the rest of the USA because it shows you are so scared of Kattaddorra Ghost you daren’t close your eyes.
Maybe, just maybe… We could recreate his neural pathways with artificial constructs made of paper, origami [bear with me] and of the simplest design, because that is where we begin. And maybe, eventually, with patience, practice, and love, we will all learn?
What do YOU think, anon. I think that either you expose yourself or lose your identity.
You might want to think about hurting a plant.
Too mystical. Just hit the bastard 😉
LOL! Always the practical one!
Well, Nurse Rachet has a hatchet!
Dee. Keep your hatchet in your shoe. 😉 lol, you *are* fun!
lol I think it might be the only solution in the end Michael, preferably with a whacking great melhammer
I think Woody likes this discussion 😉
lol are you getting some unprintable comments from him and protecting us?
you guys are too much!! that was terribly funny.
Awwww…. isn’t that funny. another cat shot today just for you useless fucks. LOL So funny!
Why don’t you like cats, dogs, humans, Woody? Because you were neglected as a child? Did your parents abuse you and not protect you? You know that many of us care about you, don’t you? We do. Not any single one of us is deserving of abuse. I care. I do not care about hunting down another human, nor animal, to satisfy some deluded feeling of needing revenge. Do you? <3
Many of us were abused, too, and that is why we reached out in our hyper-vigilance (in my case, anyway), and bonded with common ground. Do you know that? Who are your companions?
My best protector was a German Shepherd named Henry. He saved my neck many times. He was the best companion. [He was my best friend for many years. He and Sputnik, my other furry friend who just happened to be a feline.]
Do you know that back then, my dog was my constant companion, while Sputnik, my other rescue, was taking care of the rodent population in the background? [I grew up on a farm where animals were all treated the same, but I became attached to these two.] And then one day, as I watched my aunt get trampled to death by a wild, “piece” of livestock, a bull, the bits of grey matter woke up and I woke up…
Mr. Sputman just happened to be a cat, imagine… Henry Hippolyte Bayerd was my dog. MY dog. He was fully trained as a service dog and rescuer. I was at his side, he was at mine. We were attached at the hip. Henry carried Spodyody around in his mouth (that was horrendous to watch, but Sputty refused to complain) and on his back. When we went to bed, Sput and Henry had to sleep together. They were inseparable. Now. If a German Shep can love a longhaired Siamese/Persian THAT MUCH, why can’t you, anonymous soul wood?
Nicely said, Cal.
You have had many companion animals by the sound of it. You’re an animal lover. Do you dislike people?
Ooooooooooo Woody did you name her Kattaddorra? I DO hope so and then the haunting can begin… every time you close your eyes be afraid, be VERY afraid!
Ruth, you are having fun and so are we.
Yes a bit of fun because I think it’s all in his mind, a bit too convenient him finding another cat to kill so soon don’t you think? lol
Mulling it over, Ruth!
Or, if it goes generic it could be called Humane to Kitties Enhancer!
I love you poster Ruth- they are always so amazing!
As far as declawing is concerned- I don’t get it! I think we need to strap all the vets in the USA down and make them chant for hours until they get dizzy. Give them a hypnotic drug so their chant reaches their subconscious. AND we can add a suggestion that every time they even THINK about declawing they will get so sick and violently ill- upchucking for hours on end (not deadly sick of course) they will never declaw a cat again. With all vets being put through this therapy- no one will ever be able to get a cat declawed again!
That would be a wonderful world!!
Brilliant, Jo.
What should the drug be called? The Declaw Cocktail?
I howled with laughing at this, another masterpiece, even the woodman himself couldn’t resist commenting and *ping* went another $5 donation to cats courtesy of his ugly comment. Delicious irony what?
Not sure how we’re going to tame Woody and all his AKA’s but I think removing the brain and replacing it with a large walnut might help, or even decapitation as already suggested and replacement with a white cabbage is worth consideration.
In a teeny weeny way I feel sorry for Woody, Ugga et al because with such gall eating them away inside they must surely have some bad nights with acid indigestion and reflux, all that hatred broiling around inside must be eating those innards away, if only they would get themselves a bit of the milk of human kindness I’m sure they’d sleep better in their beds at night.
I had to let Woody have his say this time. Just once. It sort of added to the page. Added a bit of spice to it like adding pepper and salt to a meal.
I’m glad you did Michael, I would have been disappointed if Woody hadn’t appeared lol because he seems to enjoy us all having a laugh at his expense….crazy or what??? lol
lol I laughed about a walnut or a white cabbage to replace his brain, but yes both would have more brain cells than he has lol
He must go through dozens of packets of antacid tablets!
Your droll sense always keeps me/us rolling merrily along, Ruth. xo You are something else, in the darkness, you glow! [be careful, maybe is what I should say, we don’t want some wanker? pulling his bowstring 😉 ]
What does that mean, Cal?
I have no idea, Michael. -just liked the sound of it.
I was thinking that Woody is a bit of a Yank, which reminded me of Wank, and I have no idea if that is a proper term for a sheister that likes to yank/wank after feeling smug about leaving his trollopy mark on the web/internet. 😉 I thought it would be fun to create a little video game of snarking “Woody.” ??
You can be quite naughty Cal. I had my way he would have nothing to wank on!
You made my day, Caroline!
You’re a dirty, dirty girl, and I love it!
Poor Woody!
He’s fast running out of working body parts. His brain, gut and, ofcourse, the peepee all shot to hell! I think his poopoo will be next in line.
$5? 100 nickels, and worth every one, Michael?
Excellent poster although i don’t have any idea of “Woody” since i am ignorant of English or American spoofs.
Thanks Rudolph, I think the troll Woody got his nickname from Michael ages ago when he first started ranting about his hatred of cats.
He’s just the insignificant serpent in our PoC Garden of Eden.
I think that if you used “Woody,” this just might work! 😉
lol Whack-a-Mole sounds a bit violent, I like moles, but tell me how to play Whack-a-Woody and I’ll join in that 😉
it’s self-explan-a-tory. Wac-a-mole, or “Whack-a-mole” Here. let me just borrow an image… Ruth, you. 😉
Still have no idea what it means 😉
Sorry, I borrowed that from google images, and still can’t find the proper credit. ?
Wac-a-Mole, if I recollect, was a game invented by Hasbro? [wikipoedia is where I should go; guessing.] It is addictive, so you ARE FOREWARNED! a simple game involving a “wood” mallet and some very cute moles w/huge eyes, of course 😉 and sound effects, oh, and a “grassy” polyester mat with the moles loaded into the holes, which POP! out of the holes at random.
I think I get it, the moles pop up out of the holes in the table and you have to whack them back down? lol sounds a bit daft though, so maybe not …..
What does Woody look like? oh my, can’t wait. <3
I want to interview him or meet him but he runs away. Sad isn’t it.
Let me just say this, Michael: There are plenty more like you, Woodsmug, so if you would like to NOT let Michael Broad interview you, then go play by yourself and hope that you don’t get bitten by a spider while dehydrated…or something worse 😉
we do have an exclusive picture of him Caroline
Looools thats soooo funny best laugh ive had all day.
Such a handsome chap!
It seems to me that, if we flip him on his wooden head and spin him for a while, it may redistribute the neurotransmitters in his brain.
I don’t think so, Dee, do you? The neurotransmitters have no where to go.
LOL!
I don’t know, Caroline.
What to do? What to do?
I like your Wac-A-Mole idea, but Woody is a master at avoidance.
Ruth, I’m wondering if you could create a game like “Whack-a-Mole.” Could you do that?
What is Whack-a-Mole? We don’t know American games 😉
Ruth, could we keep this post up, and create a “win” with that big whammy stick, that bludgeon? so that every time it gets clicked on as a hotspot, a nickel is donated to Michael’s PoC ? what do you think? -Cal
We should donate 5C to cat charities every time someone comes up with a good idea on how to reprogram Woody’s poor brain.
I love it! It only proves yet again that I am dealing with phenomenally insecure and criminally irresponsible 5-year-olds. LOL
The next cat I shoot and bury I’ll name in your honor. LOL
Hi Uggawoody. We enjoy taking the piss out of you. You can see we are good natured. We are having fun compared to your nastiness. We don’t use guns and poisons. We are nice people. You are not a nice person.
Oh..we are not insecure, believe me. We are completely the opposite.
Well hello there Woody, so you are not quite a lost cause, you DO have a sense of humour.
Yes, call the next cat you murder in cold blood after me and I will ensure that she haunts you for the rest of your miserable nights 😉
The Angels will be glad to arrange this for me because the Heavens are weeping over evil people like you who kill innocent animals…..IF you really do….
Maybe all the evil thoughts are just in your prehistoric mind, but either way you will never know a peaceful night’s sleep until you repent and become a decent human being.
Goodnight… erm sorry… I mean Badnight Woody
just for you Woody
Oh my, i hadn’t even seen this one–rof I swear, you are going to have the Gods and Godesses rolling in stitches!
Caroline, I have always wondered what “rof” means. Please tell me.
lol I’ve learned a few of these lately
roflol is rolled on floor laughed out loud
pmsl is peed myself laughing
wtf is what the f**k
Quite an education lol we live and learn don’t we!
What an honor Woody is bestowing on you, R!
To name the next killed one just for you!
I’m feeling a bit left out.
Woody just doesn’t seem to want to play with me anymore!
wow excellant poster Ruth has always just love them soo much. Yea one day woody will admit that deep down he really does love cats im sure of it.
I hope so Kylee because our PoC family have much more scary therapy in store for him if not lol
This is great Ruth. When I saw the title in the email notification, I knew it was going to be another Ruth masterpiece. Inspired by Dee. I do think the frontal Michael mentioned would be a sure bet. Dee can be nurse Ratchet (as in One Flew Over the Coocoo’s Nest).
You betcha’ I can be Nurse Ratchet with Woody.
So relieved to see you here, Dw.
Was about to email to check.
Dee his night-time pot of peepee is in your honour lol he doesn’t have modern conveniences yet x
lol a Ruth masterpiece, well thank you, I do enjoy designing these posters so I’m glad you liked this one xx
LOL! Such a hoot,R!
You are so kind hearted to start with the gentle approach. “Chant Therapy” is probably a good beginning.
But, you know me…
I’m thinking cattle prods, lightening strikes, space orbits, stun guns, decapitation, covering him with fur, giving him a tail and watching him chase it, instilling an urge to lick his bum…
Maybe, hypnotherapy would be helpful in turning him into a sweet, gentle feline.
So much fun.
lol Dee I love your lots of good ideas if the gentle therapy doesn’t work 😉
The poster is priceless. I am pleased I featured in it. Famous at last 😉 Your method is very humane. This is what I would expect from you. My mind, however, turns to more brutal methods and looking at those baseball bats, bottom left of your poster, I think something more brutal has crossed your mind as well.
We could try the more humane method as you suggest but failing that something like a frontal lobotomy-the removal of part of his brain-might improve him but even that is unlikely.
His brain certainly needs some sort of treatment, reprogramming like a computer, but afraid his brain is so corrupted that the only way to deal with it is to reformat it meaning erase every bit of memory in it and then put new memories in their place. Perhaps one day that may be possible but in the meantime all we can do is hit him over the head with a baseball bat to try and knock some sense into him.
lol yes something much more brutal might be needed, but like in the anti declawing campaign we can try ‘nice’ before ‘nasty’ lol