In general (and I stress ‘in general’) there are distinct differences in the behaviour between men and women under the circumstances of domestic violence when there is a family cat in the household. The family cat is the vulnerable, innocent bystander between warring humans (as are children). The behaviour of men and women towards this innocent bystander is quite interesting under the stressful conditions of domestic violence.
A recent story in the Moscow Times informs us how, in general, women react under these circumstances. The Russian woman fatally stabbed her boyfriend in his liver with a kitchen knife when he threw her cat against a wall. The man and woman had furiously argued. Perhaps the argument arose because the man had tried to fix a television set for 3 days without success. Perhaps at that point the woman provoked her partner with her choice of words. Some men don’t like to be criticised for their DIY or bedroom skills. The man took it out on his girlfriend by hurting her cat and the woman, in complete contrast, took it out on the man by killing him. Perhaps she didn’t intend to kill him but her intention was to hurt him.
This story highlights the differences between the behaviour of men and women under these particular circumstances. The man gets at the woman by hurting a companion animal which she loves. The woman by contrast defends the animal and wishes to hurt the man; that is her way at getting at him.
I don’t think the same thing would have happened if the family companion animal had been a dog owned by the man. Or indeed, if the man had owned a cat. I don’t think the woman would have physically hurt the cat under these circumstances.
Why does this happen? It happens because, in general, women are more likely to like domestic cats. We know that. Men are more likely to prefer dogs, we also know that. Therefore the man has less of a connection emotionally towards a cat than the woman but the man knows that his partner/spouse or girlfriend has a close emotional connection to her cat and therefore he realises he can hurt her emotionally by hurting her cat.
What can be done to prevent this sort of thing happening? I believe that a woman who is a caretaker of a cat and who invites her boyfriend to come and live with her should bear mind her cat’s welfare if and when she wishes to provoke her boyfriend/spouse with provocative words. If she wishes to hurt her partner with the use of her language then it would be wise to coldly make plans beforehand to ensure that her cat does not suffer from collateral damage in the potential, ensuing violence.
A domestic cat is, as I frequently say, vulnerable when partners are antagonistic towards each other. I not infrequently read news stories in which the man in a relationship hurts the family cat, hence this article. It is a very noticeable trait. I have never read a story in which the roles are reversed.
However, this sort of behaviour in which the human hurts another human emotionally by hurting a creature that is close to the person is not confined to men. In divorce proceedings women hurt men by forbidding contact with their children because the woman more often than not obtains a order of the court whereby she is the primary carer and therefore looks after the children of the family. This gives her the ammunition to prevent her former husband having contact with the children. So humans like to use vulnerable intermediaries to hurt each other. It is human nature and is very effective.
However, when it comes to domestic cats simple proactive steps can take place to prevent the cat being hurt. In an associated article, more women’s shelters are allowing the woman to bring their domestic cats with them which is very useful step and one more step which helps to protect the domestic cat because on many occasions women remain in the family home to thereafter receive further abuse because they do not want to leave behind their domestic cat companion.
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You’re making it all too complicated. Women (and most effete men who feel they have no control in their own lives) use self-victimizing behavior to get attention from and manipulate all others around them. They will provoke someone else into victimizing them. A popular method of manipulating others that was invented in all middle-eastern cultures with their unnatural religions, which they still use to this very day to manipulate the whole world into the attention they get on the news every day. Women happily adopted this method because they didn’t have the strength to reach their goals physically, so they victimize themselves to bolster the “poor helpless femme fatale” image — someone or something will come save them from what they did all on their own to get what they want.
WERE making it all too complicated ??? I will try to be considerate and thank you for your post….
Thank you michael, i let my sister read your story about men who abuse their wives or girlfriends cats as a form of revenge or abuse toward their wife/girlfriend…she (donna) very much agreed with and found it very interesting….but unfortunately she loves her cat(cleo) so much that the two of them are inseparable..cleo is like another child to her…the only difference is that cleo walks on all four and has a thick fur coat..
Thank you for the very interesting post…my sister is also going through a very similar situation..she is afraid to leave her cat home alone with her husband because her husband frequently kicks her cat (as observed by her while at home) and she can only imagine how much worse her cat is abused while she is not there to protect her cat…like the story you wrote about in your post above,she is also in a rough relationship and wants a divorce..her husband is a heavy drinker and also hits my sisters two girls and is verbally abusive.
I am sad to hear that your sister and her cat are going through a tough time. There is only one answer when it is like this: divorce as you say. I wonder whether her cat should be temporarily cared for by someone else. That is not in anyway criticising your sister it is just that her husband may abuse her cat more seriously if and when the divorce gets underway. She’ll have to get out by the look of it. Shame and sad. I feel for her, her cat and her girls. Thanks for sharing Kevin.