Social media, because it is a record of what is happening in our lives can keep the memory of our cat’s death alive. This is said to be a bad thing in one way because “it has become harder to infuse the past with the rosy glow of nostalgia”.
Sir Nigel Shadbolt who is chairman of the Open Data Institute, London, says that the data on social media websites that document our lives means that the past no longer fades into soft focus as it did in the past. He is referring to the death of friends and partners but I would suggest that the same could be said about loved animal companions. He suggests that “personas linger”. It needn’t be about death, the same argument could concern the break up of a relationship, for example.
Keeping alive the death of a loved cat could be psychologically distressing. The passing of one’s cat is a tough moment. The new “cyberculture” makes it more difficult to grieve and let go, it is claimed.
It is as if our memories are posted online in hard data. I have certainly seen pictures and words of deceased cats on social media. I have posted memorials myself and it felt right and good to do it. Marc posted a beautiful memorial to Red on PoC. It was a fine thing to do and a beautiful article. There are, actually, very few “in memory” articles on PoC. I wanted more but have my doubts now.
The idea that internet social media might have an unforeseen downside is a new concept. I see the argument. The more natural state of affairs is to remember things in the brain. That is what we are meant to do. We retain some memories in images. They are usual the best, most memorable moments, hence the rosy glow of the faded memory of a loved one.
I wonder, though, if Sir Nigel Shadbolt is correct. The point about social media is that it is very immediate and transient. Stuff that was posted a week ago is ancient history. It is forgotten. That is a point that Sir Nigel appears to have overlooked.
Secondly, people keep pictures of their deceased cats and loved humans in their albums and living rooms. This has been happening well before the invention of internet social media.
Note: Quotes from Times newspaper article by Hannah Devlin, science editor.
When my friend Ingrid died many of her friends kept her on their friends list on Facebook. Her account is still there– unless you know her password there is no way to deactivate it. I unfriended her. Because Ingrid is gone. She isn’t going to see my posts or respond. She’s gone. So I took her off my friends list. I’ll see her in heaven. I don’t need to keep seeing her face on Facebook. I can’t grieve that way. I can’t come to terms with her being gone if it seems like she’s still alive.
Nice point. Photos just remind us, jog the memory. I guess that social media can over-discuss this subjects thereby keeping them alive and fresh. That seems to be the point.
I think photos are memorials really remind, and bring back memories otherwise forgotten – but I don’t think those mess up the ones that you remember anyway in your brain without photos and reminders. What I wish I had more of is photos of me and my cats together. But I am so glad for all the pics I have of my cats – of Red. It doesn’t pollute a would be rosy memory of him although I understand the logic.
I think and hope we strike a nice balance on PoC. We remember with fondness, respect and tenderness but we don’t go over the events. There should be just nice memories.
I think all of our cats are remembered here in articles on PoC and I like it that we can share their birthdays and anniversaries with our PoC family because we all care about each others cats here and grieve with and try to comfort each other when one of us loses one.
Mr. Shadbolt is certainly a brilliant and accomplised man. Even I have heard of him.
However, I disagree with his THEORY. In simple terms, my understanding of what he is saying, is that unhappy or maybe even traumatic times in our lives that we choose to “store” on social media sites could be harmful to us; that we are, in essence, keeping our pasts alive and we could experience distress.
I, personally, theorize that such activity could be helpful and comforting.. I don’t believe that emotionally healthy people who revisit their past through writings or photos are stuck in the past or return to their previous mourning status. Mourning is a process and can take a long time, but I have never heard of a person “moving backwards” ln the process regardless of how often they revisit the event.
I sometimes read some of my writings (journal) or look at old photos over and over. I remember the joys and sorrows both. I have never reverted to where I was.