Domestic Abuse and Pets



by Elisa Black-Taylor
(USA)

Domestic abuse and pets is a subject that really flares my temper. I’ve lived through it. I’ve watched friends go through it. And I can tell you it’s a horrible feeling when you want out of a toxic relationship but can’t find a safe place where a beloved pet would be welcome.

Finally the laws are changing to help women in domestic abuse situations get out and take their pets with them. The Animal Welfare Institute has compiled this partial list of women’s shelters where pets are welcome. href=”http://www.awionline.org/ht/d/sp/i/37272/pid/37272 – link broken. Since it’s in Excel format, please read down on the article under “where are they” and click on the words “click here.”

Ahimsa House also has a list of safe havens for domestic abuse victims. Their link it here. This site even has a fast escape button in case you need to leave the site quickly. This organization understands just how dangerous looking for help on the internet can be to an abused woman looking for a way out with her pet.

There are currently three states (at least) who now allow pets to be included in restraining orders. New York, Maine and Vermont now make it a crime for an abuser to have contact with the abuse victims pet. Some areas carry a fine and others are punishable by jail time.

I’m not much of a believer in restraining orders or orders of protection. If the abuser knows where the victim lives, sometimes NOTHING will stop him from harassment or violence. The police can’t be everywhere at once and there’s a good chance they’d be too late in a domestic violence situation. PLEASE go to a safe haven where you can’t be found!

The story that sparked this article just came in on my news feed tonight and it got me to thinking. A woman was abused by her man, who also threatened to abuse her roommates. The entire story can be found here. It happened on Sunday, June 26 in Gainsville, Florida. Tamarcus Lamont Harper, 20, has been charged with animal cruelty resulting in death, kidnapping, obstructing justice, resisting arrest, and three counts of battery.

Harper is pure evil, and there are many men out there just like him. It all started with an argument that morning. The girlfriend asked him to leave. When he returned half an hour later he kicked the door in. He then grabbed the woman (he’d been dating for a few years) by her heels in her own home and swung her around. He threatened to hurt everyone in the home if the police were called. This poor woman went to work and when she came home after lunch she learned Harper had physically assaulted the roommates. He was still there at the apartment

Harper then broke the feeding bowl of an 8 week old kitten. After that he kicked the kitten in front of the girlfriend and she watched in horror as the kitten died within a minute. He was eventually caught by police after the women escaped the apartment and called 911. He threw down a pink towel during a foot chase that ended in his arrest. The dead kitten was wrapped in the towel.

What really gets me is this man had the nerve to ask the arresting officer if he could go to jail for murdering a cat.

I’ll tell everyone what I’d like to see happen to this man. I don’t know how many of the readers have heard of Rescue Ink. Google them if you’ve never read up on these men. I’d LOVE for this tough rescue group to get ahold of Harper for just one hour. Actually, fifteen minutes would do the trick. I’d love for him to be kicked around the way that poor kitten was.

I lived with an abuser. He didn’t kill cats or dogs. He killed my pet rats. And the police in Anderson where I was raised did NOTHING! They said rats were rodents and didn’t fall under the category of pet. These were hairless rats purchased from a pet store. I got away from this man before he killed me.

The police where I grew up don’t like me. I called them once on a dog who had been doused with kerosene and was about to be set on fire. The police wouldn’t even smell the dog. They thought it was impossible for anyone to be that cruel. They even went so far as to threaten to lock me us for harassing them if I called them back that night. So I took the dog to a safe place in my car. That car smelled of kerosene for several weeks, but at least the dog was saved.

Women, I can tell you two things about abusers. I learned them both from watching talk shows. PLEASE don’t laugh. Every now and then the talk show hosts spout of words of wisdom. First of all, watch how a man treats the women in his family because this is likely how you’ll be treated. And second, don’t make excuses. Don’t say the man will “change.” What really matters is what he’s like in the present. NOT what he promises to be like in the future.

Have any of the readers here been in a similar situation? You don’t have to give your name. Comments on how to spot or escape abuse are particularly welcome. If you know of safe havens that welcome pets, please feel free to leave information in the comments.

Women, get out before it’s too late and take your pet with you. If there’s no information in this article for the area in which you live, just Google Safe Haven for pets and enter your location. Chances are there are groups willing to help you.

Elisa

P.S. I realize men can be the victim of domestic violence. I’m not trying to single one sex out over the other. Statistics show most abusers are men.

http://www.ocala.com/

http://criminal.lawyers.com/

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Domestic Abuse and Pets

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Two useful tags. Click either to see the articles:- Toxic to cats | Dangers to cats
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Jul 07, 2011
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Animal and Human Cruelty
by: Zachariah Atteberry

Since I was in high school last year, I want to give a bit of insight on that end.

Last year when I was in high school, I was in some special ed classes due to having aspergers. I was in 2 normal classes, 2 special ed classes, and four classes were volunteering at the humane society for school credits.

I will say that out of 150 total students that I came in contact with last year, I at least heard 30 them say they hated animals or I heard them say something about killing animals. In my classes they repeated stories of how they have killed animals in the past, and how they have had animals that have died. I recall one person laughing about an instance of a cat and a drier. Funny? I fail to see the humor in it.

I found out that most of the stories were true. I found out that the person who beat me up in high school several times and the same person who tried to stab me in stowell school was behind a kitten murder. It is sad to think about – but then it again it shows that human and animal cruelty is linked.

In fact, one of the students also kicked my cat in one instance, and I had to bring him to the vet! These people sicken me. Out of all the people that I found out were animal abusers in my school, 90% of them are men. I might write an article on this sometime.

Good article :).


Jul 07, 2011
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Even teenagers…
by: Gail (Boston, USA)

Our local news just reported a teenage girl who’d broken up with her boyfriend a couple months ago and he didn’t take it well. He wanted to meet up with her to ‘talk’ about it. The girl (16 or 17) even told her parents/friends/co-workers that he sounded ‘funny’ but she was meeting him anyway.

He ended up strangling her, cutting her throat and tossing her body into some marshy land not far from their respective homes.

Now, I ask you, if a man/woman were to say to you that an ex sounded ‘funny’ wouldn’t that have bells clanging through your head? Wouldn’t you at least try to stop that person from meeting them? So sad…


Jul 07, 2011
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receipts
by: Elisa

I had to show receipt with the time stamped showing I reallly was out paying bills. If I worked over I had to show something with the time stamped on it showing I really was at work. And it all happens slowly. Very well mannered in the beginning. There’s a candlelight vigil every year for women who just refused to believe would go as far as murder.


Jul 07, 2011
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It’s about control
by: Ruth (Monty’s Mom)

I’m glad Ann brought that up that it really is all about control with abusers. It may masquerade as loving behavior, but it’s not. The woman may think, “He really cares about me, that’s why he gets so jealous and wants to know what I’m doing at all times.” That’s not loving behavior. When you really have something there is trust. When you really have a loving relationship he lets you be who you are. He doesn’t separate you from those who love you. He doesn’t threaten the things you care about most. When I was dating an abusive guy he threatened to trash my car because I really liked that car. Also, my car allowed me to work my second job which was in the suburbs. Without being able to get to that job I would no longer have been economically independent. He wanted to make me dependent on him. Thank God he gave up after a little while and found someone else to stalk and harass. I had to park my car seven blocks from my house on a dead end street to hide it so that he wouldn’t destroy it. Thank goodness I had no pets or any family around here that he knew about. He would have went after anything and anyone if it would have hurt me and made me dependent on him. He claimed this was because he “loved me so much.” Yeah, right.


Jul 07, 2011
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Warning signs of abusers
by: Ann (Mama to 3 adoptees)

Hi,

I too have been there, done that. Thankfully I did not have pets or children involved so I could get away without as much trouble. I am also a nursing student and in one of my classes we had a speaker from the local abused partner shelter. She mentioned some warning signs that I had not really thought of before. She said men who turn out to be abusive will often be the nicest, most complimentary guy you ever met at first. They will tell you how beautiful you are, that they can’t live without you, they want to be with you all the time, they love the way you wear your hair, etc. This then turns into–I can’t live without you, so you can’t leave me or see any of your friends or family, I want to be with you all the time except when I want to go out, but you aren’t allowed to go out without me, I love it when you wear your hair that way, so if you change it, I will hit you. And on and on until it gets worse. So girls, beware if your guy seems like he is a little too nice all the time. It is probably a show to get you into his clutches and once you are there, Heaven help you.


Jul 07, 2011
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1st Hand Experience
by: Gail (Boston, USA)

I, too, suffered at the hands of abusers – both in childhood growing up as well as an adult. Childhood abuse dealt with family members who were mentally ill, so that was a different scenario. I left home at 14, went straight to the courthouse to talk to a judge and told him that if he didn’t immediately put me into foster until the family got help, I would just run away again and he would be responsible for my ultimate death from the streets. Could he live with that on his conscience? The judge put me in foster until the requisite help was obtained, then I returned home.

As an adult, I became the abuser’s full guardian and got the needed help for that person and we shared special times afterward until their death. Thankfully, the pets were never harmed.

One boyfriend was an abuser, but he got his comeuppance when my dad tossed him down a flight of stairs (boyfriend didn’t know Dad was home when he charged into my room to knock me around). After Dad passed, the same boyfriend tried to ingratiate himself but was tossed in jail when he stole our family car and sold it. (Local police didn’t like him and roughed him a bit.) The grapevine told me much later, he married someone else shortly thereafter and promptly abused her physically. Never found out the end result.

Massachusetts passed a law recently allowing pets to be included in restraining orders. Some women’s shelters allow pets to go with the family and the shelter’s address is kept confidential.

Animal abusers, particularly children, are on their way to becoming human abusers and eventually serial killers, human and animal alike. I agree with Elisa on her comment about Rescue Ink…it wouldn’t take long for the abuser to get a taste of their own medicine.


Jul 07, 2011
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Glad Society is Finally Noticing
by: Lynn

I’m glad that our society is finally realizing that people who abuse animals will also abuse people. In Jacksonville, there’s a 12-year-old boy about to be tried as an adult for killing his 5-year-old brother. The media have been all stirred up about whether it’s proper to try this “child” as an adult when he had a horrible upbringing and witnessed his own father’s violent death. It was only in a recent article about it that they mentioned that this kid had also killed a kitten a few years ago.

In another recent news story, a mother was arrested for leading her two children in beating two kittens in a park; one died on the scene, and the other was severely injured. How damaged are those children, when their own mother teaches them to abuse innocent animals?! Let’s hope they get the counseling they’ll need to avoid becoming abusers themselves.

The outreach work done by shelter support and rescue groups is a wonderful thing, to teach children proper respect for, care and handling of pets when they may not have received that training at home. Only in ways like this will the cycle of abuse be broken for future generations.


Jul 07, 2011
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Seeing it firsthand
by: Anonymous

I was raised in a household where sexual, physical and emotonal abuse was the norm. I watched him abuse our pets. Back then, I knew nothing of shelters, thinking only the streets would be my haven. But I didn’t runaway, I couldn’t take my animals with me, and surely wouldn’t leave them even more defenseless. So I stayed, and barely survived. I’m so glad society is finally seeing humans aren’t the only victims.
It taught me to be FEARLESS, and has given me a chance to save animals from situations now.


Jul 07, 2011
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Claws
by: Elisa

This is also another reason cats need their claws. For Gods sake, leave them something to defend themselves with.


Jul 07, 2011
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My guess
by: Elisa

It is my guess that one of the reasons a lot of women can’t adopt a pet is they’re afraid their abuser will kill it. I gave away a dog I’d had for 7 years to save it’s life because I knew it would be next.

Yes,I suffered at the hands of an abuser, but I consider it on the job training for anything life decided to throw at me. I survived and it left me virtually unafraid of anyone. I’ve been in some dangerous situations at work and pulled up my past experiences to calm someone down.


Jul 07, 2011
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Crazy dangerous men
by: Michael

There a quite a lot of crazy and dangerous men out there, no matter which country you are in.

I think some of these men leave horrible comments on my YouTube channel.

They have a mass of anger inside them that comes out when drunk for example but they don’t have to be drunk to show their anger and uncoth behavior. Then the violence starts.


2 thoughts on “Domestic Abuse and Pets”

  1. Some abusers also try to use pets to abuse the humans in the house by showering the pet(s) with outward tenderness and affection while degrading and refusing to stop degrading and being cruel to the human victim…. Then when the adult human victim is away at work (and if children are involved when the child or children is/are away at school or daycare) pets end up with sudden severe life-ending injuries (like a tame kitten that suddenly became feral and allegedly jumped from his hand and landed on its head and died or another kitten that somehow pulled a hip out of socket inside of the house and you do not have the money for the surgery to rescue the kitten and cannot find a vet or rescue who will donate services to help so the kitten must be put to sleep, etc) . When this happens repeatedly it’s a heads-up — the injuries are not likely all accidents. Not all abusers batter animals in front of the victim(s). Sometimes they shower the pet(s) with amazing affection and loving behaviors but there are unexplained injuries.. This is very shocking and scary when one begins to put the pieces together and wonder — did he do this stuff? Likely he did.

    Reply
  2. I think I came across an Internet write-up of yours and would like to use it in my book. I believe you are the author of this, but I am not 100% certain:
    The plain and simple truth these days is that a lot of domestic violence victims are arrested. There are two scenarios where this may happen.
    1. The victim fights off the abuser and does a very good job of it. In other words, the abuser has more bruises and cuts than the victim.
    2. The abuser makes the 911 call then self inflicts injuries with the sole purpose of having the victim arrested either instead of or along with the abuser.
    Personally, I fell into reason #2. And I wasn’t even at home when it occurred. The man took a beer bottle and beat himself over the head and on his arms, then called the police stating I had attacked HIM. He came up with a very convincing story and had plenty of cuts and bruises to show when the police arrived. He later called them back and admitted to making up the abuse story.
    I came home from work after an eight hour shift to find a paper stating I would be arrested for criminal domestic violence. This man looked at me and bragged about “straightening things out so I wouldn’t go to jail.” I left him soon after this incident and never looked back.
    I still shake my head in disbelief when I think of how far he went to get me into trouble. If it weren’t true it would almost be funny. I never thought a woman could get in trouble for something she didn’t do when she wasn’t even around to do it.
    Could this happen to you as a victim? It can and often does. Sometimes the man will inflict injury on himself. He may even go so far as to make the call to police saying YOU’RE abusing HIM!
    Many times the decision to arrest is placed upon one officer based on the injuries and who he believes. If the abuser is a good actor and the victim is hysterical and terrified, the wrong person is likely to go to jail.
    The same holds true if you were attacked by this person and did an excellent job of defending yourself. This isn’t fair and it happens quite often these days. Whoever has the most injuries is labeled the “victim.”
    The main thing to remember when the police arrive is to remain as calm as possible. Screaming and attacking the abuser while the police are present will definitely earn you a trip before a judge. Some officers automatically harbor a resentment toward women for one reason or another. Many don’t like going out on domestic calls and want to lock up everyone involved.
    Whether you are locked up or not, make sure someone takes photographs of all of your injuries as bruises and cuts may heal quickly. A bruise is also good to photograph about three days down the road after it turns red and blue and green and black. It doesn’t matter if the police officer took photos, do it yourself. If you’re in jail you need to arrange with your defense attorney to have photos taken.
    Victims of domestic violence being arrested aren’t always women. Sometimes the woman is the instigator and fakes injuries so the man will go to jail.
    Here’s a link to an advocacy for domestic violence victims website. Read it carefully as there’s a lot of good information. I recommend you read it before you need a victims advocate. After all, forewarned is forearmed.”
    From the website: http://www.examiner.com/article/domestic-violence-victims-arrested
    Author: Elisa Black-Taylor

    Is this yours? Please email me and let me know if I may use it in my book, which is about the topic of how how sociopaths, sociopath type abusers and abusers manipulate police and others to do this (as above described) and other similarly terrible things to victims. shatteredfamily@gmail.com

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