An anonymous person asks, how do I get my cat to come to me more? If your cat does not come to you enough there are two potential issues: (1) you want a cat that likes to be in contact their human companion a lot, either on your lap or lying beside you or on you in bed and/or (2) your cat’s character is such that he/she does not place a high priority on sitting on a person’s lap or joining them in bed or indeed being cuddled.
Two considerations
What I mean is there are two aspects to the question. One relates to the person’s viewpoint and expectations and the other concerns the personality and preferences of the cat.
I don’t know how often your cat comes to you. He may come to you quite a lot but not enough for you. If that is what is happening, the ‘problem’ may be with you in demanding too much of your cat. This would be about managing expectations.
Alternatively, if a cat does not come to his human companion much or hardly at all, it may be in his character to be like that. Some cats are like this; each cat is an individual. However, most domestic cats like to be around their ‘owner’.
But some are lap cats while others are not so inclined. The first issue, then, is to make sure that you are not being overly demanding of your cat or have false expectations that all domestic cats come to their ‘owner’ a lot. They don’t in general.
Cat personalities
The family of Siamese cats (Siamese and Oriental SHs to name two) are said to be clingy or in other words like to be around their human. At the opposite end of the spectrum you might argue that Bengal cats are not simple lap cats. I have mentioned two cat breeds but most cats are random bred and the best place to adopt from is a shelter. I have mentioned them as examples of character variations in cats.
Training?
Although, in general and in my experience, domestic cats spend large chunks of the day doing their own thing. All this said, the cat’s guardian might be able to do more to encourage their cat to come to her. You can train a cat to come on their name using simple clicker training techniques which is positive reinforcement. Call your cat and provide a nice treat when he comes. Eventually he’ll come to your call.
When at home it might be useful to wear a dressing gown or comfy clothes to which your cat is familiar (and on which there is his/her scent and your scent). This may encourage your cat to sit on your lap. My cat likes a fleece dressing gown that I wear. I wear it for him as much as for me because I know he likes the feel and smell of it. He often sits on my lap as a result.
Adoption
For me the question hinges on two things: the person’s character and preferences and the cat’s character and preferences. If they are out of step there may be an issue. If a cat guardian wants a lap cat they should try and adopt a cat which meets that wish. Some cats might not be entirely suitable. I think shelters should be able to advise to a certain extent the character of their cats.
Sideways works with all kinds of mammals. Bovine, ovine, porcine, equine, avian …and more. I would guess it might work with non mammalians too, given how powerful the full eye contact/full frontal stance is across the animal kingdom.
I agree about not forcing your self on to your cats, physically or verbally. It is hard to resist this sometimes, but worth it, for the trust and enthusiasm they show us. Tone of voice is important too. I have never met a cat who appears to enjoy high pitched human squealing or screeching.
I love a drooler, ecstatic with love!
Yes. I started turning sideways, which I agree is non-confrontational. Yours is the first time I’ve read someone else having the same idea. I’d also recommend being very in tune to how much praise or petting your cat wants upon doing what you want. Sometimes we’re too enthusiastic for them. They like a more dignified treatment I’ve found. My cats love my treatment so much that they come running whenever they just see me; and one gets to drooling profusely. So cute, and soggy.
This is bang on the money Michael.
Different cats, different personalities, preferences and experiences.
Not staring at cats, turning your body sideways on to a cat, is often helpful. It takes away what can be a rather confrontational stance many humans have with other species.
My rule is let the cat come to me when it suits them. Learning a bit of feline body language such as the slow blink with a slow yawn, then turning your head away is very useful.
Failing that smear your entire body with the cat’s favourite food 😌