An anonymous person asks, how do I get my cat to come to me more? If your cat does not come to you enough there are two potential issues: (1) you want a cat that likes to be in contact their human companion a lot, either on your lap or lying beside you or on you in bed and/or (2) your cat’s character is such that he/she does not place a high priority on sitting on a person’s lap or joining them in bed or indeed being cuddled.

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Two considerations

What I mean is there are two aspects to the question. One relates to the person’s viewpoint and expectations and the other concerns the personality and preferences of the cat.

I don’t know how often your cat comes to you. He may come to you quite a lot but not enough for you. If that is what is happening, the ‘problem’ may be with you in demanding too much of your cat. This would be about managing expectations.

Alternatively, if a cat does not come to his human companion much or hardly at all, it may be in his character to be like that. Some cats are like this; each cat is an individual. However, most domestic cats like to be around their ‘owner’.

But some are lap cats while others are not so inclined. The first issue, then, is to make sure that you are not being overly demanding of your cat or have false expectations that all domestic cats come to their ‘owner’ a lot. They don’t in general.

Cat personalities

The family of Siamese cats (Siamese and Oriental SHs to name two) are said to be clingy or in other words like to be around their human. At the opposite end of the spectrum you might argue that Bengal cats are not simple lap cats. I have mentioned two cat breeds but most cats are random bred and the best place to adopt from is a shelter. I have mentioned them as examples of character variations in cats.

Training?

Although, in general and in my experience, domestic cats spend large chunks of the day doing their own thing. All this said, the cat’s guardian might be able to do more to encourage their cat to come to her. You can train a cat to come on their name using simple clicker training techniques which is positive reinforcement. Call your cat and provide a nice treat when he comes. Eventually he’ll come to your call.

When at home it might be useful to wear a dressing gown or comfy clothes to which your cat is familiar (and on which there is his/her scent and your scent). This may encourage your cat to sit on your lap. My cat likes a fleece dressing gown that I wear. I wear it for him as much as for me because I know he likes the feel and smell of it. He often sits on my lap as a result.

Adoption

For me the question hinges on two things: the person’s character and preferences and the cat’s character and preferences. If they are out of step there may be an issue. If a cat guardian wants a lap cat they should try and adopt a cat which meets that wish. Some cats might not be entirely suitable. I think shelters should be able to advise to a certain extent the character of their cats.